Silver Hawks
The Silver Hawks vs. the Phantom Phink! pt. 1
Characters: Lieutenant Quicksilver, Sergeant Steelheart, Sergeant Steelwill, Colonel Bluegrass, Copper-Kidd, Commander Stargazer, Phantom Phink, Sinister Sludge
Stargazer: Silver Hawks, to my office. It’s urgent!
Bluegrass: Urgent, urgent, urgent. Old Stargazer ain’t got but two sounds: urgent & BLASTED urgent. Come on, Kidd.
Steelheart: Urgent, huh? I’ll have to get myself a look at this.
Stargazer (at the office): Let’s see, I’ll call out the names of the Hawks I see in my office: Sergeant Steelheart, Sergeant Steelwill, Colonel Bluegrass, & Copper-Kidd. But where is Lieutenant Quicksilver?
Steelwill: Hmmm. I think I saw him while I was running here.
Steelheart: I am quite certain I saw him while I was running here.
Steelwill: Where, sis?
Steelheart: It was where you and I ran smack into each other, Will.
Stargazer: Go get him, Steeltwins (Steelheart & Steelwill)!
Steeltwins: Aye, aye, Commander!
Steelheart (when they find Quicksilver): Come on, Quick. Stargazer needs us.
Quicksilver (very unenthusiastically): Okay, okay. I’m coming.
Steelwill: Well, hurry! (The Steeltwins rush back to the office.)
Steelheart (back in the office): He’s coming, Commander.
Stargazer: Good!
Copper-Kidd: What’s our assignment, Commander?
Stargazer: I’ll tell you, if that blasted Quicksilver ever gets here. (But instead of walking in, Quicksilver rolls in... literally!)
Quicksilver: Yaah! Somebody HELP ME!
"CRASH!" (Quicksilver crashes into Stargazer’s desk.)
Quicksilver: OUCH @#$%^&*@#$%^&*!!!!! KIDD, WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE YOUR DARN ROLLERSKATES IN YOUR DARN ROOM SO NOBODY CAN GET KILLED IN THIS DARN PLACE?!?!?!?
Stargazer: Are you done trying to kill yourselves???
All Silver Hawks: Yes, Commander.
Stargazer: Good. Your orders are to capture the Phantom Fink and Sludge -- preferrably BEFORE they blow up the whole universe. And PLEASE try not to kill yourselves -- I’d hate to change your names to the Silver Corpses.
Steelheart: We won’t. Oh, and Commander,...
Stargazer: Yes, Steelheart?
Steelheart: The ‘Phink’ in ‘Phantom Phink’ is spelled p-h-i-n-k.
Stargazer: I thought fink was spelled f-i-n-k.
Steelheart: Your spelling is correct, but Phink thinks it’s spelled p-h-i-n-k.
Stargazer: I hate Phink, no matter HOW he spells his blasted name.
Steelheart: Let’s all quit fooling around, Hawks, and get to work.
Steelwill: She’s correct. I was about to say the same thing she just did. So, let’s GET TO WORK! Sorry, sis, that I yelled my "get to work" so loudly.
Steelheart: Oh well, that’s quite alright.
Steelwill: I don’t really think so when it happens to you also, Steel-sister. Come on, Hawks; let’s get going.
Quicksilver: How in heck does that happen?!? Steelheart gets all the niceness from Steelwill, while he cares less about us. It’s even vice-versa!
Bluegrass: I think it’s mighty unusual, too, Quicksilver. Don’t you think it’s ’bout time we muscled in on their operations, skipper?
Quicksilver: I certainly do, cowboy!
Stargazer: Leave the Steeltwins alone, or I’ll get out a couple of pink-slips, put your names on them, and hand them to you. Do you understand?
Quicksilver & Bluegrass: Yes, Commander.
Later...
Steeltwins: We got the Phink & Sludge, and took them to the Penal Planet, Commander!
Stargazer: Good work, Steeltwins!
At the Penal Planet...
Phink: Hee, hee! I’ll get out of here and finegle another fiendish foul!
Sludge: Yeah, you sure will! Hoo hoo, ha ha, hee hee, ho ho, heh heh!
to be continued...and concluded!
Silver Hawks
The Silver Hawks vs. the Phantom Phink! pt. 2
Characters: Lieutenant Quicksilver, Sergeant Steelheart, Sergeant Steelwill, Colonel Bluegrass, Copper-Kidd, Commander Stargazer, Phantom Phink, Sinister Sludge, Captain Good, Clean Cat, Mon*Star, Yes-Man, Melodia, Hardware, Mo-Lec-U-Lar, Mumbo-Jumbo
Mon*Star: I want the Phantom Phink free, Yes-Man. I don’t care how my mob does it, but I want Phink & Sludge free within ONE HOUR!
Yes-Man: Okay, boss. I’ll tell Melodia, Hardware, and Mo-Lec-U-Lar to free them.
Mo-Lec-U-Lar (when they reach the Penal Planet): There is the Penal Planet, Melodia. You know what to do.
Melodia: Yeah! I’ll rock it, then I’ll roll it, with my Sound-Smasher!
Hardware: Good going, Melodia.
Melodia: Let’s go free Phantom Phink.
Phink: Huh? Help is here; Mon*Star’s Mob! Steeltwins, your time has come.
"CRASH!"
Phink: I told you, Sludgie! Help was on it’s way!
Sludge: Yeah! Hoo hoo, heh heh, hee hee, ho ho, ha ha, hee hee, heh heh!
Phink: Quiet, Sludgie! Let’s go!
But, at Hawkhaven, the Silver Hawks’ home,...
Stargazer: Rats! Steeltwins, get in here! (Then he hears Copper-Kidd rapidly coming with his rollerskates on!) Oh no! COPPER-KIDD, GET AWAY!!!
Copper-Kidd: Help!
"CRASH!" (Kidd crashes into Stargazer’s desk. Kidd had accidentally turned the rocket thrusters of his skates on!)
Copper-Kidd: OUCH! Hmmph! I shouldn’t have done that.
Stargazer: Mister, you’re GROUNDED! And, that includes NO, I repeat, NO ROLLERSKATING! AND YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK!
Copper-Kidd: A WEEK?!? But, but, why not a day?
Stargazer: Because I said a week! Steeltwins, where are you?
Steelheart: I’m here, Commander, but where is that blasted brother of mine?!?
Steelwill: Right behind you, sis.
Steelheart: Gasp! (She utters a gasp of surprise.) Will, you scared me a little.
Steelwill: Sorry, Steelheart.
Steelheart: You shouldn’t surprise people like that, brother! (She shoves her elbow into her brother’s stomach -- probably just one of those brother-sister quarrels.)
Steelwill: OOOOF!
Stargazer: That blasted Mob got Phantom Phink and Sinister Sludge out of the Penal Planet.
Steelheart: Come on, little brother. Let’s go get that Phink and throw him back into the Penal Planet.
Stargazer: Steelheart, stay here for a moment; Steelwill, get Lieutenant Quicksilver and Colonel Bluegrass to help!
Steelwill: Aye, aye, sir.
Stargazer: Try not to lose control and punch your own brother in the stomach again, Sergeant Steelheart. It must hurt him, though I saw him get over it quickly. Um, Copper-Kidd, go help them.
Copper-Kidd: No! I don’t want to!
Stargazer: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU WANT TO OR DON’T WANT TO DO! I GROUNDED YOU, REMEMBER? NOW GO HELP THEM! DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD WHEN YOU ARE GROUNDED! I’LL SPANK YOU IF YOU DON’T HELP!
Copper-Kidd: Whine, whine!
Stargazer: DON’T WHINE AT ME, KIDD! GO HELP THEM!
Steelheart: Get out here, Kidd. I SAID, "GET OUT HERE!"
Stargazer (smiling): You yell very sharply, Steelheart!
Steelheart: Sorry, Commander. Come with me, Kidd.
Copper-Kidd: Okay! It’s better than being with that mean old Stargazer!
Quicksilver & Bluegrass (in the hangar): Okay, Steelwill. We’ll come!
Phink: I’m glad I got all these weapons from Mon*Star’s Mob! I even remembered to thank them! Oh, blast! There are those sickoning Silver Hawks. Press the CONVERTO button, Sludge! RA-PI-DO!
C O N V E R T O>
"Click!" "Honk!"
Cap’n Good: Come, Clean Kat! There’s goodery to be gooded!
Quicksilver: There’s Captain Good!
Steelheart: Yes! Maybe Captain Good can tell us where Phantom Phink and Sinister Sludge are!
Cap’n Good: Hello, my heroic friends! I’ve come to tell you where that faloneous Phantom Phink and his creepy cohort, Sinister Sludge, went!
Bluegrass: Well don’t just stand there, spill it!
Cap’n Good: Go to the planet Pongo, and go to Gunga Lake, Phink’s home territory. You should find him there.
Steelheart: Gunga Lake?!? Ick!!!
Steelwill: Oh, shut your trap, Steelheart. None of us like it any better.
Cap’n Good: Now be on your best guard and remember, the creatures in it are nasty. Now go on!
"Honk!" (Phink changes back as the Silver Hawks leave.)
Phink: So long, suckers! Now I’ll get those fools for sure. Phantom Phink calling Mon*Star. Do you read me? This is Phantom Phink!
Mon*Star: I read you, Phink! You distracted them, didn’t you?
Phink: Did I ever! Those fools fell for my disguise! Little do those Silver Bozos know that that clean-cat-cuti-pie, Captain Good, is really me, Phantom Phink, in disguise! And that Clean Kat is really my faloneous canine cohort, Sinister Sludge! Now, send yourself and your Mob, and we’ll catch those fools for sure together! I have a little score to settle with those blasted Steeltwins.
Mon*Star: Oh, I will, I will! Ready the Transformation Chamber, Yes-Man.
Yes-Man: Yes boss! Oh, certainly, Mon*Star! Yes, yes!
Mon*Star: Moon*Star of Limbo, give me the might, the muscle, the menace of Mon*Star. Get the Mob, Yes-Man!
Bluegrass: Hey! What in tarnation is that?!?
Quicksilver: It’s Mon*Star, Yes-Man, Melodia, Hardware, Mo-Lec-U-Lar, Mumbo-Jumbo, & Buzz-Saw!
Steelheart: Believe me, inside I’m eeking with unjoy.
Steelwill: Oh, shut up, sister!
Bluegrass: Take it easy. I’ll loose them... somehow.
Steelwill: Somehow! Oh, great!
Steelheart: Shut up, Will! I’ve got a plan.
Bluegrass: Let’s hear it, Steel lady!
Steelheart: Go so fast that they can’t see us, cowboy.
Bluegrass: You mean kick her in hyperdrive? Okay, lady!
Phink: Rats! They got to Pongo safely! Fortunately, there is one demon who may be able to destroy them; me, the Phantom Phink! Press the button, Sludge.
C O N V E R T O>
"Click!" "Honk!"
Steelheart: There’s Captain Good again!
Steelwill: Yes!
Cap’n Good: Just go on through the planet; you’re on the right track!
"Click!" "Honk!"
Phink: Now, I’ll fix their circuits for sure!
Steelheart: Oh no! It’s the Phink, that demon of diabolical doings.
Steelwill: Sister, shut up!
Cap’n Good: ’Tis I, the real Captain Good, with my finicky feline follower, Clean Kat! And I’m going to do a good deed for the Silver Hawks!
Steelheart: Look, Hawks, it’s Captain Good!
Steelwill: Steelheart, for the last time, SHUT UP!!!
Cap’n Good: What’s new, Silver Hawks?
Steelwill: That evil Phantom Phink disguised himself as you and led us into the planet.
Steelheart: That was great, Will. Now, do me a favor and shut up!
Cap’n Good: Phantom Phink?!? I have a score to settle with him.
Phink: Rats! It’s the real Captain Good and Clean Kat. Press the Patented Phink Fog button, Sludge. That’ll cover them up.
PATENTED PHINK FOG>
"Click!" "Ssssss!"
Cap’n Good: I feel something!
Clean Kat: It’s your steering wheel.
Cap’n Good: Oh! I keep forgetting because it’s two metal sticks sticking up on a metal bar.
Steelheart: I have special eyesight that can see through fog. Keep going straight Bluegrass. Here we are. I’ll get them!
Phink & Sludge: Help! Steelheart’s got us!
Later, at the Penal Planet...
Cap’n Good: This’ll teach you not to impersonate me!
Steelwill: And not to mess around with us!
Steelheart: Will,...
Steelwill: Yes?
Steelheart: ...SHUT UP!
Steelwill: Don’t tell me to shut up, Steelheart.
Steelheart: I can if I want to!
Steelwill: No, you can’t!
.....heart: Can too!
.....will: Cannot!
.....heart: Can too!
.....will: Cannot!
.....heart: Oh, let’s quit acting like little children.
.....will (crying): Wah! Do we HAVE to?!?
.....heart: Yes, ‘baby’ brother, although we’re twins, but I was born a second or two before you...
Quicksilver, Bluegrass, & Copper-Kidd: Steeltwins?
Steeltwins: Yes?
Quicksilver, Bluegrass, & Copper-Kidd: SHUT UP!!!
So you see, this was a HAPPY ending!
THE END!
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