Neon Castle, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

In his castle in the Valley of Koopa, which was in the middle of Dinosaur Land, King Bowser Koopa was trying to think of a way to stop those 'meddling' Mario Brothers, as usual.  The Koopas were Tortoisians {tór-té-zhyahnz}, a turtle-like bipedal mammal species.  Tortoisians were completely compatible reproductively with humans and other humanoids.  There was another species of turtle-like creatures on the Mushroom World, but they were true reptiles.  Tortoisians had naturally produced shells completely surrounding the body from the neck down to the pubic area, shells which nonetheless could be removed.  As Tortoisians aged through adolescence, they grew spikes on their shells for extra protection.  The average height of Tortoisians was the same as the average height of humans.  Not all Tortoisians were evil, but Bowser Koopa certainly was, as were his seven kids.  His oldest sons, Ludwig and Larry, were now a little bit taller than he was; the others, Roy, Wendy, Morton, Lemmy, and Iggy (in descending order of age), were all still a bit shorter than he was.  Bowser had red hair and a green, spiky shell.

            "Hmmm. . . let us see, now," said Bowser Koopa.  "How shall I get those blasted Mario Brothers out of the Mushroom World?  I have come here, to Dino Land, from the Mushroom Kingdom, and I still have not eliminated the Mario Brothers!"  His eldest son, Prince and Baron Ludwig von Koopa, entered the room.  Ludwig had dark hair on his head and a few spikes on his shell.

            "Excuse me, Father," Ludwig said.  "Maybe I have the solution."

            "Oh, really?  What's your plot?"

            "We could create a Super Monster Koopa and divide-and-conquer all the Mushroom World, so that those blasted Mario Brothers will not be able to tell up from down. . . and create some device that would take away the gravitational properties of the Mushroom World!"  (The reader must be informed that Ludwig could use even the most primitive items available to create the most terrible inventions.)

            "Ludwig, that's a mean, rotten, stinking, smelly, cruel idea. . . AND SO I LOVE IT!!!  Ha, ha, ha!  That's the most evil idea any Koopa ever came up with.  I'm glad you thought of it.  Let's get to work."  Outside the castle, at Koopa's Doomship, the Koopalings were gathered to hear about their oldest brother's plot.

            Usually in the a terrible mood when things did not go her way (like Luna, but not nearly as bad), Wendy screeched, "This plan had better include me getting something I want, King Dad, or I'm going to make you regret it!!!"  She had a pink bow in her hair, and she had a brown shell.  Her shell had no spikes yet.

            "Keep your shell on, Wendy O. 'Kootsie Pie' Koopa," Koopa said.  "I'll get you anything your cruel little heart desires, as soon as we extinguish the Mario Brothers, that fuzzy little fungus Toad, Princess Peach Toadstool, and that crazy, gobble-anything-up dinosaur, Yoshi.  Anyway, Koopa Klan, listen up.  I'll tell you which areas you get for your very own. . . until we blast those Mario Brothers.  Then, you can take which land you choose.  Ludwig, distribute the new sceptres!"  Ludwig took a box marked 'sceptres' and distributed the sceptres according to marked owner; i.e., he gave Bowser's to Bowser, his to himself, Larry's to Larry, Roy's to Roy, Wendy's to Wendy, Morton's to Morton, Lemmy's to Lemmy, and Iggy's to Iggy.  "Thank you.  Larry 'Cheatsy' Koopa, step forward."

            Larry asked, "What land do I get, King Dad?"  He had hair in his father's style but with Ludwig's hair-colour.  He had some spikes on his shell.  He was also known to be something of a philanderer.

            "You may have the Mushroom Kingdom, Dream Land, Sarasaland, the Grass Land, Desert Land, and Water Land.  Use your sceptre to fry those Mushroomian bums up so much they'll regret they were born!"

            "Sure thing!  May I take candy away from all the babies?"

            "Now, 'Cheatsy,' that's very rotten.  Do it for me!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "Very well, King Dad!"  While laughing, he ran to the warp pipe area.

            "Ha, ha!  Morton 'Big Mouth,' step forward."

            "Yes, King Dad?" said Morton.  He had a brown shell and few hairs on his head, and he was quite a motormouth.  He had no spikes on his shell yet.  "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it.  Yessiree, I'll sure make you proud!  Yes, indeedie!  I'll. . ."

            "PIPE DOWN, WILLYAH?!?!?  Okay, now.  I want you to Koopa-Kapture the Land of the Giants, Sky Land, and Ice Land.  Use your magical sceptre to fix those dumb-heads in those stupid kingdoms.  And remember, loud-mouth them to death.  Make sure they hear you loud and clear."

            "I'm on my way!"  While laughing, he ran to the warp pipes.

            "Wendy O. 'Kootie Pie' Koopa, step forward."

            "Yes, King Dad?" said Wendy.

            "Fix Pipe Land, and, if you want, turn all the pipes into a lifetime supply of mirrors with your magic sceptre!"

            "Ha, ha!  Thanks, King Dad!"  She ran to the Pipe Land Warp Pipe while laughing.  No, Bowser was not decreasing the amount of territory given to each Koopaling; the amount he gave was equal to all of them.  Pipe Land was just as large as the Mushroom Kingdom, Dream Land, Sarasaland, Grass Land, Desert Land, and Water Land combined, as were the Land of the Giants, Sky Land, and Ice Land combined.

            "Lemmy 'Hip' Koopa and Iggy 'Hop' Koopa, step forward."  The youngest of the Koopalings, Lemmy and Iggy were twins and did just about everything together.  Iggy wore silly spectacles that had absolutely no practical purpose.  They had hair the same colour as Ludwig's and green, spikeless shells.

            Lemmy began, "Yes, King. . ."

            ". . .Dad?" continued Iggy.  "What do you. . ."

            ". . .want us to. . ."

            ". . .do?"

            "I want you two to blast up Dark Land," replied Bowser.  "Use your magical sceptres to put a little light on the subjects!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            In unison, Iggy and Lemmy said, "Okay, King Dad!  Whatever you say!  Ha, ha, ha!"  They ran to the Dark Land Warp Pipe while laughing.

            "Heh, heh!  Roy 'Bully' Koopa, step forward!"

            "Yes, King Dad?" said Roy.  His red shell had a singular spike, and he always wore a red, spherical cap around his head that concealed his hair.  He also always wore dark shades.

            "Use your sceptre to knock some sense into western Dino Land.  Yoshi's Island, the Donut Plains, and the Vanilla Dome are ripe for your picking-on.  Ludwig 'Kooky' von Koopa and I shall control Cookie Mountain, Forest of Illusion, and Chocolate Island from the Valley of Koopa."

            "Yes sir, King Dad!  Heh, heh, heh!"  He ran to the Donut Plains Star Road while laughing.

            "Okay, Ludwig; we have work to do!"

            "Yes, indeed," said Ludwig.  "I'll load the 'Kooping Supplies' to work on the Doomship while raining a hail of Bullet Bills, Koopa-Troopas, and Chain Chomps onto the Cookie, Forest, and Chocolate Lands!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "A delightfully evil son. . . for what more could a villain ask?  Let's get to work."

            "Let's hang on a moment.  This is a cover-up plan."

            This made Bowser happy.  "So!  You have finally gotten that warp back together, eh?"

            "Almost.  My computer is finishing my half.  MotherBrain and Dr. Wily are also nearly finished!"

            "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!  EXCELLENT!!  Now, let's go pulverise those kingdoms."

            "Certainly."

            * * *

            Control Room, within Tourian, Metroid (a.k.a. SR388), VideoLand.

            MotherBrain was in a really rotten mood.  She was a big brain in a glass jar.  A brain stem extended from her enormous cerebellum to the bottom of her jar in back, and a long, thick piece of skin, all that remained of her human flesh, was stretched from a point near her cerebrum to the bottom of the jar in front.  This skin was her face.  Two connectors from her brain connected to the top of her face, and two others connected to her eyes.  Her jar was full of life-support fluid.  At the top were two holes on the right and on the left; she could extend her tentacles through these to grasp objects or to shock objects.  She also had three electrical connectors on top of her jar to emit shocks.  She had recently gotten herself and her idiots - Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo - out of Baseball World, to which the N-Team had recently sent her.  "Oooh!  That meddling little Captain N keeps getting in my way, along with that putrid Princess Lana, stupid Simon Belmont, mechano-maniacal MegaMan, and shrimpy Kid Icarus.  King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, it is enough to drive me nuts!"

            The idiotic Eggplant Wizard said, "Nuts?  Will it drive you vegetables?"  He was a fat, purple, cyclopean eggplant-shaped humanoid sorcerer.  He wore a red cape, and he held a magical staff, his Veggie-Wand, which had a small, painted sculpture of an eggplant on top.  He could create fruits and vegetables intentionally or unintentionally; he could also turn people into eggplants.  However, his intelligence quotient was almost nil.

            MotherBrain used two of the electrical directors on top of her jar to transform a neural impulse into raw electricity and shock the Eggplant Wizard.  "I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF NUTS, YOU CONFOUNDED IDIOT!!!  Did I ever tell you fools about my origin?"

            "No," said King Hippo.  He was a fat boxer who wore a crown on his head.  He always wore boxing shorts, boots, and red boxing gloves.  Like the Eggplant Wizard, he had little brain capacity.

            "Good.  When I was born, I came into existence as an actual human being.  When that doctor in that hospital where I was born gave me a new type of measles vaccination, my central nervous system reacted violently.  That vaccine had, by the way, worked correctly on many other patients; however, the doctor had spiked it with something that should have killed me, since he knew I was to be a very wicked being.  Most of my brain grew into the planet Metroid; another portion, along with my brain stem, is inside my protective glass case.  My face was stretched to what you see now.  The rest of my body died.  Today, years later, I still exist, thanks to this life-support system.  Now, I have one vision. . . to conquer the galaxy!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "But that meddling Captain N and his companions keep getting under your brain cells, right?" said King Hippo.

            "Exactly.  But I have an idea!  Dr. Wily."

            "Yes, MotherBrain?"  Dr. Wily, one of MotherBrain's most valued assistants, retained his German accent.  His only pronunciation error was occasionally pronouncing W's as V's.  He was about average height; the top of his head was bald, and he had long grey hair around the edges, and he also had a white moustache.  He always wore a clean lab-coat and a long, red tie with a light blue shirt and dark blue pants.�  [� - Attention to fans of "Captain N:  The Game Master" and to MegaMan fans:  This story takes place in an alternate universe where the MegaMan characters are closer in form to how they are represented in the MegaMan games.]

            "Make me a handy-dandy time-travel device so that I can go back in time, seal the Ultimate Warp Zone, and keep Captain N out of our hair FOREVER!!!"

            "I have the time-tubes.  I can do it!  Ha, ha!"

            "Good!  Eggplant Wizard."

            "Yes, Big MamaBrain?"

            "You and King Hippo go to the Palace of Power and keep the N-Team occupied.  That'll buy Dr. W. enough time to complete his time-travel device."

            "You want to buy time?  Well, I can pay.  Let me see if I have enough."

            "Oh, shut up, you simpering sap!"

            "Hm.  I guess you want sap, too, huh?  Well, there are enough trees on KongoLand and Hyrule."

            "JUST SHUT UP AND GO KEEP THE N-TEAM OCCUPIED UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SUPPER!!!  Do you like the prospect of being the veggie plate for dinner tomorrow evening?"

            "Ah, no thanks, MotherBrain."

            "In that case, I suggest that you go keep the N-Team occupied.  King Hippo, make sure that he does not screw up."

            "Yes, MotherBrain.  One mistake out of him, and he's tomato soup!"

            "Just shut up and get going!"  Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo left.  "Those two idiots!  Dr. Wily, we can now finish rewiring that warp."

            "I read you, MotherBrain!  The computer is finishing our half, and Ludwig's half is nearly complete."

            "Excellent, Wily!"  As Metroid passed by the Palace of Power, the two idiots, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, warped there.

            * * *

            Forest of Illusion, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

            Meanwhile, the Mario Brothers, Princess Peach Toadstool, Toad, and Yoshi were having a picnic lunch.  Mario and Luigi were a bit shorter than average, though Mario was shorter and rounder than Luigi.  Mario wore red overalls, Luigi green, and they both wore white gloves.  They had black hair and black moustaches.  Toad was about one and a fourth meters (about four feet) tall; he wore a white hat with red spots; most Mushroomians wore similar hats.  The blonde Princess Peach was average height for humans; she wore a gold crown and a long, pink dress with a large, round emerald in the middle of her chest.  Yoshi was a small, green dinosaur about Peach's height; he was two-legged and two-handed, like a brachiosaurus.  He was afraid of many things, and he had not yet learned completely correct grammar.

            Princess Peach was rather uneasy.  "Old Koopa hasn't tried anything in a long time, Princess," said Mario.  "What are you worried about?"

            "I just can't shake this horrible feeling that he's going to cause more trouble very soon."  Just then, 'trouble' in the guise of Ludwig von Koopa popped out of the nearest warp pipe!  "Yaah!"

            "You are too correct, Princess Peach!" said Ludwig.  "But I'm afraid that you are also a bit too late because all my sinister siblings are now taking over the Mushroom World, including western Dino Land!  That just goes to show that you can't keep a rotten-to-the-core Koopa cooped down in Koopa Valley. . . or should I say eight rotten-to-the-core Koopas?  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

            Luigi got out his last Cape Feather.  "That's what you think, von Koopa!" said Luigi.  "As Caped Luigi, I'll squash you before you can blast me with that sceptre."

            "Prove it!"

            Luigi spin-jumped into the air and said, "Okay, von Koopa!  Prepare to be liberated from your shell!"  Amazingly, the spin-jump did no harm to Ludwig!  Instead, it relieved Luigi of his Cape Power.

            "Mama mia!" exclaimed Mario.  "What happened?"

            "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Ludwig laughed.  "Idiots!  I'm 19 years old.  Once he or she is 18.99, a Koopa cannot be stomped!  I am too powerful for you.  There is nothing here that you can use against me.  Now, before I get rough with you, leap into that warp pipe to Neon Castle!  You would not want a Bob-omb barrage thrown at you."

            "Well, guys, there goes the picnic," Toad said.

            Yoshi said, "Drat!  And Yoshi was ready to eat favourite. . . eggplant salad!"

            Ludwig said, "I know an eggplant. . . Eggplant Wizard!"

            "What are you talking about?" Luigi asked.  "He's in VideoLand, in another area of the Milky Way.  How could you possibly bring him here?"

            "Ha, ha!  My present plan is really a cover-up for the re-creation half of the principal warp zone leading from here to VideoLand. . . and MotherBrain, among the most powerful villains in the universe, is working with her associate, Dr. Wily, to re-create the other half from Metroid!  Best of all, yours truly is the genius that discovered how to reopen that warp!  Enough dawdling.  Enter the pipe!"

            "This will never work!" Peach informed Ludwig.  "King Charles of VideoLand and my father sealed that warp years ago.  It cannot be opened."

            "Into the warp pipe!"

            "Oh, all right," said Mario.  "I was just about to sink my teeth into a spaghetti sandwich."

            Ludwig produced a Bob-omb (a small, round, bomb-shaped robot with red eyes, a key in his back, and two short arms and two short legs) and shouted, "INTO THE BLOODY PIPE, YOU FOOD-LOVING FOOLS!!!  NOW!!!!!"  They all leapt into the pipe.

            * * *

            Near Neon Castle, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

            As they were arriving at Neon Castle, MotherBrain's holographic image appeared.  "So!  These are the pasta-brained plumbers, the Mario Brothers?"

            "Yes," said Ludwig.  "Luigi, the tall one in green, attempted to subdue me with a spinning assault, but he discovered that to do so is imprudent."

            "Indeed!"

            A hologram of Dr. Wily appeared.  "Soon, MotherBrain, our half will be complete.  And yours, Ludwig?"

            "Just about."

            Wily told Ludwig in German, "Your solution to this problem was very brilliant."

            �Danke schön {Dahn-kuh sheuhn} [German] (Thank you very much)," replied Ludwig.  King Bowser Koopa emerged from the castle.  He was pleased the instant he saw the Marios.

            "Heh, heh!  Good work, my boy.  Ah, MotherBrain, how is your cerebral magnificence?"

            "Fine, thank you.  And how is Your Reptilian Highness, Koopa?"

            "Fine.  You have a way with words, MotherBrain!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "Don't you dare harm VideoLand, MotherBrain," Peach said.  "Captain N will. . ."

            ". . .not be able to do a single darned thing about it, Princess Mushstool of the Toadroom World!" interrupted MotherBrain.  "As we bump our gums, my idiots, Eggplant and Hippo, are in the process of taking care of those N-Team ignorami."

            "Excuse me, Your Despicableness, but do you actually believe that those two incompetents can handle the N-Team?" Ludwig asked.

            "No, but it keeps the fools out of my hair.  It's certainly difficult to acquire slave labour these days."

            "Tell me about it," said Koopa.  "It's getting so we can't make a dishonest living anymore."

            "Boy, I believe that.  At the rate of every scheme I conceive, the N-Team is getting in my brain cells!  Whether I'm attempting to secure CastleVania, de-myth Mount Icarus, or dismantle MegaLand, the N-Team always gets in my way!"

            "These Mario Brothers kept getting in our hair, too, whether we attempted to dehydrate Water Land, cut the Land of the Giants down to size, or melt Ice Land," said Ludwig.  "But now, we have Koopa-Kaptured them and are ready to Koopatise them!"

            MotherBrain asked, "What about your brothers and sister?  How are they progressing in their attempt to divide-and-conquer the Mushroom World?"

            Bowser said, "Gee, it just might be a good idea to check up on the six little brats. . . I mean darlings!  Join us upstairs in the communications centre."

            "I'll be a-waitin'!  Hee, hee, hee!"

            * * *

            Communications Centre, within Neon Castle, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

            "I see you have disposed of the Mario Brothers and that shrimpy princess in a proper 'barred' receptacle," said MotherBrain as Koopa and Ludwig entered.

            " 'Barred' receptacle," repeated Ludwig.  "Good one, Your Brainy Magnificence!"

            "You needn't call me that around home.  It's much too formal; just call me MotherBrain.  Now, we shall see what is going on in the Mushroom World. . . or should I say what's going down?  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

            "Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Bowser.  "Indeed we shall, MB!"  He activated the radio.  "King Bowser Koopa calling Larry Koopa in Dream Land.  Come in."

            "Hearing you loud and clear, King Dad," said Larry.  "What's up?"

            "How are you doing over there?"

            "Hee, hee, hee!  You know about everyone here in the Mushroom Kingdom, Dream Land, Sarasaland, Grass Land, Desert Land, and Water Land?"

            "Yeah.  That area alone boasts a population of one hundred million Mushroomian citizens."

            "NOT anymore!  Now, it boasts a population of seventy-five million Tetris blocks, which all comprise my new castle, and twenty-five million citizens who are presently begging me and paying me tribute with all their worldly goods to restrain myself from making a spacious entry-hall to my castle!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

            "GREAT!!!  REALLY ROTTEN!!!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!  Do you have any laws yet?"

            "Yeah.  Anyone who speaks a word in any non-European language becomes another Tetris block!"

            "Excellent!  Farewell!"

            "Later, my evil father!"

            "King Bowser Koopa to Morton; come in, loud mouth!"

            "Buenos días {Bwáy-nós dé-ahs} [Spanish] (Hello), Your Royal Greenness!" greeted Morton.  "How are you doin'?"

            "Fine!  I called to see what's happening in the Land of the Giants, Sky Land, and Ice Land.  Please attempt to keep your explanation under 10 000 words this time."

            "Gotcha.  You know that the terrestrial part of Sky Land and all of Giant Land are bordered by the water that flows north from Ice Land?"

            "Yes.  What about it?"

            "Hee, hee!  After creating an enormous dam bordering all three lands, I melted every last square nanometre of the ice in Ice Land, and now, thanks to yours truly, the three lands are appropriately collectively renamed Flood-tropolis!"

            "Ha, ha. . . hold on a sec.  If you flooded all three kingdoms, where ARE you?"

            "I have made myself a castle at the bottom-centre of Flood-tropolis.  It is completely, totally, and entirely waterproof.  My castle is made mostly of Mushroomians transformed into Tetris blocks!  They almost enjoyed it because it meant that they would not drown to death!"

            "Ha, ha, ha!  I'm SO glad to hear that!  Ha, ha!  See you later."  He cut the channel.  "King Koopa calling Wendy; come in, my delightfully demented daughter."

            "This is your Wendy, King Dad.  Which do you want to hear first, the good news or the EXCELLENT news?"

            "Oh!  Heh, heh!  Well, by all means, the good news first, my dear."

            "The good news is Pipe Land is now transformed to Mirror City!  I changed ALL the pipes into gigantic mirrors, just like you said I could!"

            "Heh, heh!  Okay!  Now the excellent news, sweetie!"

            "I changed all the hundred six million citizens of Pipe Land into Tetris mirror blocks.  Practically 3/4 of my new Tetrad-castle is made of mirror-stone so I can see myself wherever I look!"

            "I've never seen any rottenness done rottener!  Good work, doll!  Now, I'll leave you to your best possible house guest."

            "Who's that?"

            "Your reflection, dear," he said, knowing that the way to his daughter's heart was through her mirror.  "Over and out.  Now, we'll see what those two twin-youngsters of mine are doing.  If it's nearly this good, I'll substantially augment their allowance.  Ha, ha, ha!  King Koopa calling Iggy and Lemmy.  Respond, please."

            "Hey, King Dad!" greeted Iggy.

            "I trust that what you have done is cleverly devious."

            Lemmy said, "Even worse!  You know how all the Mushroomians in Dark Land aren't, shall we say, used to light."

            "Yeah."

            "Well, following your suggestion," said Iggy, "we put the biggest, brightest sun up above Dark Land, and everyone ran blind!"

            Lemmy added, "Now, ALL of them are Tetris blocks composing our deviously comedic castle!  We have a veritable TON of whimsical traps lying in wait for any plumber that decides to stop by!"

            "Heh, heh, heh!  Great!  Have fun, kiddies!  Now, to call Roy and see what he's up to.  King Koopa calling Roy.  Are you there, cool boy?"

            "Yes, King Dad!" replied Roy.  "You should be here!  I have transformed all these stupid cave Mushroomians into Tetris blocks and composed a dangerously cool castle with them.  Bubbling Podoboos in every square centimetre of my lava pit, falling spikes in the spike pit, and even a long set of Giganto-Spikes near my room!  And all that is easy compared to some other traps that I have set up!  And the snake-platform is shorter and quicker than last time!  I'd just like to see a dumb plumber enter my castle!"

            "Great!" said Bowser, having understood every word.  "Keep up the good work, Roy."

            "I sure will, green daddy!  Over and out!"

            Koopa switched off the radio and turned to Ludwig.  "And what about you, my extremely fiendish Ludwig von Koopa?"

            "Hee, hee, hee!  I have transformed all the cave Mushroomians on Cookie Mountain to Tetrads, all the goody-goody critters in the Forest of Illusion into Metroids, and the dinosaurs on Chocolate Island into lava!" Ludwig said.

            "Ha, ha!  I love Metroids."

            "I even made 'em so they won't go after any bad guys."

            "Even better!"

            "Shucks," said MotherBrain.  "I was hoping to feed Eggplant Wizard to 'em.  Oh, well."

            Dr. Wily's hologram appeared.  "Our half is finished."

            "I've just about finished," Ludwig said.  A bell sounded from elsewhere within the castle.  "Wait a minute!  That tells me I should head for my lab and examine my device!  I shall not be long.  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,. . .!"  As Ludwig was leaving, his laughing voice faded.

            Koopa said, "This is the ULTIMATE Koopa-Kaper, MotherBrain!  All my vile Koopalings have devious plots, and I'm proud of all seven of them."  Elated, Ludwig returned.

            "Father, I do believe that the feat has been accomplished."

            "Good.  Now for the test.  Have you the Koopa-Troopa shell?"

            "Yes, I have it," Ludwig said.  "MotherBrain, wherever your end of the warp is, go to it and look for this red Koopa-Troopa shell to come out."

            "I certainly shall," said MotherBrain.  "Come on, Dr. Wily."  MotherBrain and Dr. Wily went to their end of the warp, while Ludwig and Bowser went to theirs.

            Ludwig tossed the shell in and said, "That's that!  Time to get back!"

            Back in the communications centre, MotherBrain's image held up the Koopa-Troopa shell.  "We've done it, Bowser!  VideoLand and the Mushroom World are ours!"

            "Excellent, my three comrades!" said Bowser.  In French, he commanded, "My son, call the other six Koopalings here to the throne room for a family conference."

            "Yes, Dad!" Ludwig replied in English.  He activated the radio.  "Attention, all Koopalings.  This is Ludwig von Koopa.  Please report to King Dad's throne room in Neon Castle for a family meeting.  Ludwig out."

            * * *

            King Bowser Koopa's Throne Room, Neon Castle.

            Once all eight members of the devious branch of the family had gathered in the throne room, Wendy said, "I hope this is important, King Dad.  I was admiring myself."

            "Sorry, Wendy," Koopa said.  "I have wonderful news.  Ludwig and Dr. Wily have finally reopened the warp between Metroid and Neon Castle!"

            "Yay!" cheered the six Koopalings younger than Ludwig.

            "The test proved that it works.  Now, MotherBrain and her underlings can feast their eyes on your evilly, wonderfully despicable work, and we can aid her in getting rid of the N-Team and conquering VideoLand!"

            * * *

            July 16.

            Kid Icarus's Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

            The next morning, at the Palace of Power, Kid Icarus was reading the morning edition of a twice-a-day newspaper in Italian whose title meant Mount Icarus Times:  all of MotherBrain's and Medusa's Evil Secrets in Print in English.  It truthfully showed what its title said, showing the most diabolical goings-on of MotherBrain, Medusa, and other villains.  Upon finishing an article, Kid Icarus said, "Oh, no-icus!  Bowser Koopa-cus and MotherBrain have reopened the warp between VideoLand and the Mushroom World!  I must tell Kevin-icus and Princess Lana before it's too late!"  Kid Icarus was a small, red-haired humanoid with wings on his back; he was about the same height as Toad when standing on the ground.  He wore a white toga and sandals.

            "Too late for what, Kid Icarus?" asked MegaMan, entering the room.  He was an android, not much taller than Kid Icarus but very strong.  Most of his body armour was a light blue; his boots, shorts, and gloves, though, were dark blue, as was his helmet.  He had blue eyes and black hair, though his helmet completely concealed his hair.

            "Too late for us to defend VideoLand from MotherBrain-icus and those Koopas!"

            "What!  Do you mean to say that they have finally unsealed the warp between VideoLand and the Mushroom World?"

            "Exactly!"

            "We must spread word immediately!"

            * * *

            Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

            "Oh, no!" exclaimed Lana.  "The thought that the Koopas and MotherBrain have finally unsealed the warp between VideoLand and the Mushroom World!"  The brown-haired, green-eyed princess was slightly taller than average height and slender.  Her dress was in two pieces; the top piece went down to just above her belly, while the next part covered the waist down to the legs.  The left side of the dress went down only to the top of the leg, while the right side went down almost to the knee; from right to left, it slanted upwards.  She also wore boots.  Her outfit was pink and white.  The only part of the arms that it covered was the shoulders.  She wore a crown and two bracelets, each with an emerald stone set into them.  Her hair was so long that it came about halfway down her back.

            "Quite tragic, isn't it?" asked Kid Icarus, quite concerned.

            Simon Belmont, who hardly ever gave enough consideration to any circumstance or event, stated, "Do not worry, Your Highness."  He got out his mirror and admired himself like the idiot he was.  "Handsome Simon {sé-mawⁿh} [French]� will defend you from Koopa."  He was tall, dark, and handsome with blonde hair, blue eyes, a blue coat, brown pants, brown gloves, and brown boots.  He used to wear a leather outfit, but when he left CastleVania, his homeland, and came to live at the Palace of Power, he found his present clothing at a shop and found it to be of better quality.  He also had a backpack in which he kept everything; it was magical and bottomless.  His primary weapon was his whip, which he kept coiled on the right side of his belt.  [� - No translation is given since the French pronunciation of the name 'Simon' was used.]

            Captain N, whom his friends knew as Kevin, was more polite than Simon.  Since he grew up in the 1980's in California, he had undergone a few negative attitude adjustments due to his peers, but he had still retained his senses and his courtesy, and the adjustments were leaving him.  He was noble, respectful, and intelligent.  He was brown-haired and blue-eyed, and he wore a red, white-sleeved jacket with a black N on the left side of the front.  He also wore a yellow short-sleeved shirt underneath, blue-jeans, sneakers, and a belt that held his Power Pad and Zapper.  The Power Pad was just like an NES control pad, except it had eight green lights across the top to indicate the power of it and the Zapper, since the Power Pad and Zapper shared the same power source.  The Power Pad had a black cross-pad on the right side, which would zip Kevin in the direction that he pressed on it.  There were two black, rectangular buttons in the middle of the pad; the one to the right was labelled 'Select,' the one to the left 'Start.'  He could use both of these to stop time for a few seconds on whomever he wished.  On the left side of the pad were two red circular buttons; the one to the right was labelled 'B,' the one to the left 'A.'  The A button defaulted to jumping him high, and the B button defaulted to making him run extremely fast, but he could tell them to do something else if he wanted to.  The Zapper was shaped just like an NES Zapper, much like a pistol with a long barrel.  The handle was grey, and the barrel was bright orange.

            Kevin found Lana's whole being attractive. . . not just her gorgeous body, but her soul as well.  He was between Lana and Simon's heights, and he was still growing a little bit.  "I'm sure you will, Simon.  I've played Super Mario Brothers enough times to find out that Bowser is a tough guy.  I haven't played Super Mario Brothers 3 yet, so I don't know a lot about the Koopalings, but I'll find out about them soon.  Having played Metroid a lot when I first got here, I knew MotherBrain was no tomato."

            "You say tomato?" called Eggplant Wizard.  "I've got some!"

            "Use your rottenest tomatoes, Eggplant Wizard," said King Hippo.  "Then, I'll show 'em the real meaning of knock-out!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            Kid Icarus drew two arrows from his quiver.  "I might have a pair of love arrows with your names on them, and, if you toss your tomatoes at us, I might shoot you."

            "Love arrows?" said King Hippo.

            "For us?" Eggplant Wizard said.

            The two idiots exclaimed, "Let's get out of here!!!"  The two ran to the nearest warp to Metroid.

            "Did you really have love arrows, Kid Icarus?" Kevin asked.

            "Sure didn't, Kevin-icus!  Those two are stupidus maximus!"

            Simon admired himself once more.  "I could have done better myself."

            "Sure."  To himself, Kid Icarus whispered, "Stupidicus maximus."

            "Ha, ha, ha!" laughed MegaMan.  "How those mega-idiots mega-ran!"

            "If they hadn't," Kevin said, "I bet Duke could have given them a mega-bite!"  He was referring to his dog, Duke, a white-haired canine with brown spots.  He came up to his master's knees in height.

            "Mega-bite!" MegaMan laughed.  "Good one, Captain N!"

            * * *

            Control Room, Metroid.

            MotherBrain screamed, "You two are fools!!!  Did you really believe Kid Icarus?"

            "Yes, MotherBrain," Eggplant Wizard said.

            MotherBrain shocked them both with a lightning bolt from an electrical director on top of her glass jar.  "FOOLS!!!  They tricked you twits.  They can't fool my super-brain.  Ludwig von Koopa and Dr. Wily have just reopened the warp between here and the Mushroom World.  The Koopas are about to arrive."  At that moment, the Koopas arrived on Metroid.

            "Good day, Your Brainy Magnificence," Bowser said.

            "Good day, Your Scaly Magnificence."

            "Ah!" said Ludwig.  "King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard.  I bet you two bozos messed this up. . . as usual."

            "Oh, how would you know, stupid kid?" asked King Hippo.

            Ludwig drew his sceptre and fried King Hippo.  "WATCH WHOM YOU'RE CALLING STUPID, YOU INCOMPETENT!!!"

            "Yow!  Okay!  Okay!  I get your drift!  Just stop it!"  Ludwig stopped.  "Whew!  Thanks, kid."

            "My name's Ludwig von Koopa, and being a MAD, MAD Koopa scientist is my game. . ."

            "Not to mention being quite a prodigy for his age," Koopa said.  "He shot through all twelve years of school and all four years of undergraduate college by the time he was eight years old."

            "Impressive!" MotherBrain said.  "We need all the ideas we can get to conquer and control VideoLand."

            "Tell me, MotherBrain, how did you get to be so beautiful?" asked Wendy.  "Can you tell me how to become as beautiful as you?"

            "I should� be delighted!  You must be Wendy O. 'Kootie Pie' Koopa.  Your father has told me about you.  Your deeds and those of your siblings make me proud."  [� - Here, MotherBrain was using proper usage.  In this case, one would normally say, "I would. . ."]

            Bowser said, "Until now, those idiot Marios have foiled my Koopa-Kapers, but no longer!  Now, they are my prisoners in Neon Castle."

            "It's the same way with me," said MotherBrain.  "Whatever I do, that N-Team has to get under my glass.  There is just one thing you must remember.  Metroid is my nerve-control centre.  My brain waves are tuned to it.  In essence, whatever happens to it happens to me."

            Larry said, "I'm sure we'll keep that in mind.  I am Larry 'Cheatsy' Koopa. . ."

            "And I am proud of the thought implied by the connotation of his chosen middle name, too!  Heh, heh!  The middle names of my kids fit them quite well.  However, my mother never let me choose a middle name, and I hate that!  By the way, Larry, my number two son, is as intelligent as Ludwig."

            "My middle name, 'Cheatsy,' fits me because I like doing rotten schemes and to cheat Mushroom citizens.  I also consider myself to be the emperor of eavesdropping!  Hee, hee, hee!"

            Morton said, "My middle name, 'Big Mouth,' suits me because I love to talk a lot, and because I love to out-talk anyone; and, besides,. . ."

            "SHUT UP BEFORE YOU GET ON A BLASTED ROLL, LOUD-MOUTH!" yelled Bowser.  "SOME OTHERS WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK!!!"

            "So, he talks a lot?" said MotherBrain.

            "Yes.  However, I just as proud of him as any other of my Koopalings.  I'm glad that Tetris blocks are in style for castles this year.  Hee, hee, hee!"

            "My middle name, 'Kootsie Pie' or 'Kootie Pie,' fits me because I consider myself a beauty princess," Wendy said.  "But, MotherBrain, I consider you a beauty queen. . . no, the beauty queen!"

            "Why, thanks!" said MotherBrain.  "You are rather pretty yourself, you know.  We'll get along just fine.  What about the twins?"

            Lemmy began, "Our middle names, 'Hip' and 'Hop,' fit us because we are young,. . ."

            ". . .because we're energetic,. . ." continued Iggy.

            ". . .and because we just love to trip up any Mushroomians who get in our way!" finished Lemmy.  The two laughed, "Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck!"

            "Hee, hee!" laughed MotherBrain.  "A funny pair, eh?"

            "Yeah," Bowser said.  "A real load of laughs!"

            "What about you, Roy?"

            "Well, brain-queen, my middle name, 'Bully,' fits me because I just love to bully Mushroomians in several ways!"

            "Hmm, hmm!  You can beat up that shrimpy little Kid Icarus.  And you, Ludwig?"

            Ludwig said, "My middle name, 'Kooky,' fits me because I love making all manner of kooky good-guy traps.  You should see my mind-boggling castle.  It is an extremely challenging trap with two sides, tons of traps, and a virtually unreachable chamber door."

            Bowser said, "Wow!  You did not tell me that, my evil one!"

            "All of you should see it some time.  I even made a Metroid-trap for any good guy who gets too close, and it must be passed through for anyone to get through the castle to my strategic chamber.  I made myself - ready for this? - a Clowncar!!!"

            "Ha, ha!  How good is it?  Is it better than the one Mario destroyed?"

            "It is able to take 100 Mechakoopa {meh-kah-kú-pah} hits."

            "Excellent!  How many attacks have you dreamt up?"

            "I have fifty."

            Koopa exclaimed, "Fifty?  That's great!"  The Koopalings praised Ludwig with applause.

            "I humbly accept your generous praise, my siblings," said Ludwig.

            MotherBrain said, "Hee, hee, hee!  I guess we ought to hide out there, huh, King Koopa?"

            "Yes!" Koopa said.  "I thought someone might do such a great job, so I did not prepare Neon Castle."

            King Hippo suggested, "Hey!  Let's put a bunch of punching traps at the opening chamber!"

            "Great suggestion," said Ludwig.  "However, I have already thought of that and integrated that in my castle."

            "Ah!" Dr. Wily said.  In German, he said, "I have all my thirty-two devious Robot Masters.  Let's put them in a chamber right before ours."

            In German, Ludwig replied, "Now that is a hair-brained plan of which I did not think.  Let's do it!"

            "It sounds like the N-Team is about to become the S-Team!" MotherBrain said.

            Not understanding, Eggplant Wizard asked, "The S-Team?"

            "Yes; 'S' for 'stumped'!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"  Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo laughed as well.

            Using her sceptre, Wendy zapped the two.  "Leave the laughing to us, virus-sized-brains!"

            MotherBrain asked, "That big?"  She and Wendy laughed.

            "Not even the N-Team and the Mario Brothers would be able to find their way through my castle," Ludwig said.  "I have memorised each and every single trap and path through my castle and embedded it in my mind so that the solutions to the puzzles would be as apparent to me as a sore thumb.  I, smart as I am, made it like only one chamber, and I did not even put one of those stinking Midway Gates anywhere in my castle.  The do-gooders will have to get past all of the tough guys before me even if I do decide to put a gate there."

            "And I doubt that you will need any help," MotherBrain said in French.

            In English, Ludwig replied, "Precisely.  I may not need my intricately designed castle, but I want those dumb good guys to become really stumped.  And, since I memorised every nook and cranny in my castle, it should not take long before we, despicable villains that we are, become rulers of the Mushroom World and VideoLand!"

            "Hmm, hmm!  I have a cute little twist, Ludwig!  I suggest that we take both Princess Peach Toadstool and Princess Lana and hold them as hostages in the castle.  That way, we will have power to hold threats!"

            "Great idea, you luscious lump of brain matter," Koopa said.  "I love the way you handle things."

            Lemmy said, "Uh, oh!  Don't tell me King Dad's mushing out!"

            "My dear Lemmy," said Ludwig, "I do believe that the proper expression is 'to fall in love.'  Are you, Dad?"

            "I am!" Bowser said.

            "As am I," said MotherBrain.  MotherBrain and Bowser already knew that they loved each other.  Even without a period of courtship, they knew it.  They already knew each other because they corresponded in writing and in visual communication ever since the warp between the Mushroom World and VideoLand was originally closed.  And they could give the responsibility of running things to Ludwig.

            "Shall we become engaged?"

            "Certainly!  I thought you'd never ask, my dear hunk of a reptile!"

            "Oh, dear," said Dr. Wily.  In German, he said, "MotherBrain is falling in love."

            "How could anyone love you, MotherBrain?" King Hippo asked in English.  "You're too ugly!"  He realised his error too late.  "Oops!"