Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

Kid Icarus was at his station in the Palace of Power.  He had the evening newspaper and was reading the top headline.  About two hundred percent shocked, he exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh!  They're going to get married!"

            Simon Belmont, in the area, said, "No, we're not.  I don't think I'll ever get Lana to fall in love with me."

            "That is not what I'm talking about, Simon."

            "Well, then, what are you talking about?"

            "The evening news says that King Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain are going to get married!"

            "How tacky.  How could a bag of scales and a brain love one another?"

            "I don't know, but I'm telling Princess Lana-cus at once."

            Lana stepped into the room.  "You're telling me what, Kid Icarus?" she asked.

            "Look at the paper, Your High-nicus.  Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain-icus are going to have a wedding!"

            "A wedding!  Oh, no!  If that happens. . ."

            Simon said, "Don't worry.  I'll protect you."

            With MegaMan, Captain N came in; he asked, "From what is it that you'll protect her, Simon?"

            "You don't need to know, Kevin," said Simon.  He pushed Kevin back a little too forcefully and knocked him on his back.  "Oops."

            Lana helped Kevin up.  "Simon, you are not very polite," Kevin said.

            "Don't worry about that, Kev," said Lana.  "I think the word 'polite' is incomprehensible in Simon's vocabulary."

            "Ah!  I believe that I indirectly inquired as to what was going on."

            "Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain are having a wedding on CastleVania tomorrow, Kevin-icus!" said Kid Icarus.

            "I don't see what's so bad about that, guys.  After all, it's just a wedding.  They'd just join forces anyway, whether they were getting married or not."

            "You're right, Kev.  It's just a wedding."

            "But we weren't invited!" Simon complained in Italian.  Italian was the second official language of the CastleVanians.  The first was English, the third French.

            Kevin could speak French, Spanish, and German fairly well; since they were the primary languages in VideoLand after English and since he had been around Spanish-speakers a lot in California, he had plenty of opportunity to learn them.  He also knew a little Italian.  He did not know much Portuguese, which was gaining on Spanish somewhat in the amount of population speaking it, but he could comprehend it, due to its similarity to Spanish.  "So what's your point, Simon?"

            "Creeps such as Larry Koopa are invited!"

            "They are part of Bowser Koopa's family."

            "I just don't know what those two would see in each other," said Lana.

            "I've played Super Mario Brothers many times.  Although I defeated Bowser several times, I doubt that it's sufficient practice for beating him and his Koopalings."

            "I'll go get the games Super Mario Brothers 2, Super Mario Brothers 3, and Super Mario World," said MegaMan.  "You'll need them to practise."  The radio beeped.  "Hmm.  The radio's beeping.  Maybe it's those mega-bad guys."

            Lana went over to the control panel beside Kid Icarus's.  "I do wonder if it's they," she said.  She tapped a button so that the screen would come on, and MotherBrain appeared on the screen.

            "Good evening, N-Team," greeted the brain.  "In case you didn't know, Princess, King Bowser Koopa and I are getting married tomorrow."

            "Yes," said Princess Lana.  "We knew.  What about it?"

            "You are invited, as special guests of the brain."

            Bowser Koopa appeared in front of MotherBrain on the screen.  "I hope you've played Super Mario Brothers 3 and Super Mario World, Captain N.  If you have, you'll know about my Koopalings.  If you haven't, I suggest you get your hands on those two.  However, even if you know those two games, you still won't be able to defeat my oldest Koopaling.  Thus, I suggest that you not mess with us."

            "We shall not be up to anything until after tomorrow.  Since our wedding is in CastleVania, you can count on Count Dracula to make sure you get to the ceremony on time, but keep your necks protected, just to be on the safe side.  I trust him not to do anything, but one never knows.  I hope you'll come.  Good-bye!"  The screen cut off.

            "Me?" Simon demanded incredulously.  "Trust Dracula?  Don't be ridiculous!"

            Lana ordered, "Shut up, Simon."

            "Yes, Your Cuteness."

            "Let's go to this wedding," Kevin suggested.  "If those crazy twits Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are there, we'll probably have a laugh or two."

            "Ha, ha!" laughed MegaMan.  "If those two are there, we'll have mega-laughs galore!"

            "Right on-icus!" Kid Icarus said.  Duke released a bark.

            "I don't know whether dogs are allowed, Duke," said Kevin.  "They might be."

            Kid Icarus, still worried, said, "MotherBrain might be preparing another trick."

            "If you believe so, you should go do target practice," Lana suggested.

            "Yes, Your High-nicus!"

            "Hmph!" said the 'macho' (ha, ha, ha!) Simon Belmont.  "Target practice is for wimps!"

            "Whom are you calling a wimp-icus?" demanded Kid Icarus.

            "Real men do not need target practice!  I can think of nothing more. . ."  Lana stuck some wrapping tape over Simon's mouth.

            "Target practice is for smart people," said Lana.  "Continue, Kid Icarus."

            Kid Icarus took his bow and flew toward the practice chamber.  "Later, Your High-nicus!"

            * * *

            MotherBrain's Planning Room, Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

            Ludwig suggested, "Hm.  Father, you need a suit.  I don't think you want to get married like that."

            "Hm.  You're right, my boy.  What about you, my dear?"

            "I have a gown I think I can use. . . that is, supposing those two idiots have not messed it up yet," said MotherBrain.

            "Whom are you talking about, as if I didn't know?" Bowser asked.

            "King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard."

            "I thought so."  The door chime sounded.  "Who's there?"

            "It is I, King Dad," said Larry.

            "Oh!  Come on in."  The door opened to admit Larry.  "What is it, Larry?"

            "Mouser is here, Father."

            "Hm.  Another idiot after whom to look.  Luckily, he's smarter than King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard combined.  I know that's not saying much, but it is something.  He's smarter than my other idiots, Try-Clyde, Koopa-Troopa, and Clawgrip.  Shall we invite Mouser, my dear?"

            "Yeah.  An unexpected part of the entertainment routine I had planned to amuse the guests."

            "Okay, Larry.  Tell Mouser he's invited."

            "Certainly, Father.  Then, may we Koopalings go out to find proper attire?"

            "Of course!  See you later."

            "Later, King Dad," said Larry.  He left.

            Ludwig said, "I have a suit that I stole."

            "Very good, Ludwig!  Go put it on so we may see what it looks like."

            "Certainly."

            * * *

            A little later, Ludwig returned to the planning room, this time in his suit.  "What do you think of it?" he asked.

            Koopa said, "Pretty good, pretty good."

            "I agree," said MotherBrain.  "It fits you to a 'T'!"

            "Why, thank you," Ludwig said.

            "You, my dear son," announced Bowser, "are going to be my best man!"

            "Thank you, Father.  I'm honoured.  Who shall be your bridesmaid of honour, MotherBrain?"

            MotherBrain said, "I only have one bridesmaid; that will be your dear sister."

            "Very suitable."

            "Dr. Wily and she are going to help supervise those two super-idiots, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, who are to help me put on my wedding gown.  I can't believe how much trouble I was having with those two twits when I almost married that stupid Belmont."

            "Once, I almost got Princess Peach Toadstool to marry me," said Bowser.  "I would have received the greatest amount of political power imaginable in that sixth of the galaxy, but the Mario Brothers ruined everything!"

            "Once, Princess Peach went on vacation in Hawaii and left the Mario Brothers in charge.  Dad was giving the Marios a hard time; the brothers were receiving the blame for his actions, so they wrote to the princess to ask her to return.  Of course, we intercepted the message.  I had been creating a robot princess to take the kingdom.  She almost turned the Mushroom World over to Dad, but the real Princess Peach came back and spoiled the plan!"

            "I expect that the N-Team will not ruin the wedding," MotherBrain said.  "Almost any single N-Team member has over a trillion times more manners than my two imbeciles combined!  Of course, Simon Belmont may be an exception."  The other six Koopalings entered.

            "We are back!" said Larry.  "Each of us has obtained proper attire for the ceremony, most heinous Father."

            "Good job!  You look great."

            Roy said, "We got the best stuff money can buy. . . except that we stole it!"

            "That is even better!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "Hee, hee!" laughed MotherBrain.  "You all have qualities of which I am proud, Koopalings!"

            Bowser asked, "What think you of my suit, my corrupt kiddies?"

            "Looks great, King Dad!" Wendy said.

            * * *

            July 17.

            Dressing Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

            Early the next morning, the N-Team was getting ready for the ceremony.  Simon asked, "What do you think of this suit, Princess?"

            "That one's great, just like the rest of the ones you've tried!" Lana told him.  "You can stop now."

            "Thank you, Princess.  You look great with your gown."

            "I found something," said Kevin, entering in a black suit.  "What do you think?"

            "It's very nice, Kevin," Lana said.

            Rather sarcastically, Simon said, "Somehow, I am forced to concur."  He was jealous of Lana's attraction to Kevin because he was attracted to her himself, but he was coming to realise that he probably would never get her to fall in love with him.

            "Thanks.  You both look great, too.  How are the others coming?"

            Entering the room, MegaMan said, "Here I am.  What do you think?"

            "Your suit looks good on you, MegaMan," Lana said.

            "Thank you, Your Highness."

            Kid Icarus showed up with his suit.  "What do you think of my suit?"

            "Looks good, Kid Icarus," said Kevin.

            "I agree," Lana said.

            "Thank you."  Duke whined in the door.

            Kevin said, "Oh, come on in, Duke.  It's not that bad."  Duke entered, wearing a suit designed for a dog.

            "You look pretty good, Duke," Lana said.

            "Why are you such a silly dog, Duke?"

            Simon said, "Yeah, you look as though you'll lick it."  Duke arfed, leapt onto Simon (knocking Simon on his back), and proceeded to lick his face!  "Yuck!  Get your dog off me, Captain N!  I'm being poisoned!"

            "You shouldn't have said 'lick,' Simon!  Duke, get off him."  Duke got off Simon, who rose to his feet afterwards.

            "Whew!  Thank you, Kevin."  Rush, MegaMan's dog, came in.  He was about Duke's size, and he was a red and white robotic dog with pointed ears.

            "Does Rush not look mega-great in his mega-dog suit?" MegaMan asked.

            * * *

            Dressing Chamber for Lackeys, Norfair, Metroid, VideoLand.

            Things were not going so well on Metroid while ProtoMan, Dr. Wily, King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Mouser got dressed together.  King Hippo bellowed, "Hwah, hwah!  I bet my new suit looks better than yours, Eggie!"

            "Oh, yeah?" Eggplant Wizard snapped.  "Even Mouser's could look better than yours, King Hippo!"

            "EVEN mine?" demanded Koopa's most loyal servant, Mouser, who had a pronounced German accent.  When he spoke English, his W's came out as W's.  Before P and T, his S's came out as Sh's.  Sometimes, his Th's as in that came out as Z's, and his Th's as in both came out as S's.  He was a slightly fat mouse who was about Mario's size with a long prehensile tail, and he wore dark shades all the time.  "Wait a minute, eggplant-brain!  Is that an insult to King Hippo and me?  Mine looks better than both of yours combined!"

            "Oh yeah, mouse-breath?" said King Hippo.  "Well, yours looks like it's seen one too many Bob-ombs!"

            "Mine?  Thine looks like a cow milked on it!"

            "Well, Eggplant Wizard's has eggplant in its face!"

            "Mine?" demanded the Eggplant Wizard.  "Thine shows half of thy fat stomach!"

            "Why, thou!"

            "I warn you not to continue this," said Dr. Jerome Wily, ready to go.

            ProtoMan said, "Yeah.  If not, MotherBrain will be alerted as to your activity by one of her smartest employees."  ProtoMan was a red and white robot just like MegaMan with red where the dark blue was on MegaMan and white where the lighter blue was on MegaMan.  He wore shades that concealed his eyes; his eyes and hair were, for the record, the same colour as MegaMan's.

            Mouser said, "Wily's smart, all right. . . a smarty-pants!  I am employed by the dishonourable King Koopa."

            �Du müssen sein sein dummst Angestellter {Dú mü-sehn zehyn zehyn dúmst an-jes-tehl-tur}� [A feeble attempt at German] (You must be his dumbest employee), cheese-brain."  Mouser laughed at King Hippo.  He had not conjugated the verb at all; he had incorrectly positioned the main verb (and besides, the vocabulary usage was wrong); he had used incorrect stress and pronunciation; and he had not properly declined the adjective!  "What are you laughin' at!?"  [� - The author realises that the correct version of the sentence is:  �Du bist bestimmt sein dummster Angestellter {Dú bihst buh-shtihmt zahyn dum-shtehr ahng-geh-shtehl-tehr}."  The incorrect version was used to demonstrate King Hippo's ignorance in both German grammar and German pronunciation.  However, the author intends to make no fun of those who do not know German or of those who are students of German; this is meant rather to show Mouser's cruelty.]

            "That's not correct grammar, you laughable imbecile!  That's not even German!  The words are in German, but you used English construction!  And you even pronounced a couple of words wrong!  You shouldn't try to speak it if you haven't a proper tutor to point out your mistakes!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "Ah, shut up!"  Eggplant Wizard tossed an eggplant in King Hippo's face.

            "Hey, King Hippo!" Eggplant Wizard said.  "You've got eggplant in your face!  Ha, ha, ha!"  ProtoMan and Dr. Wily started calling MotherBrain.

            King Hippo bashed Eggplant Wizard in the face.  "Oh, yeah?  Well, you are a real knock-out!  Ha, ha, ha!"  MotherBrain's hologram appeared in the room.  "Why, Thy Gracious Highness, what a pleasure!"

            "Shut the heck up!" MotherBrain ordered.  "What do you three fools think you're doing?"

            Hippo cleaned the eggplant off his face.  "Uh, we were getting ready for the wedding just like you told us, Your Maniacal Braininess."

            "Then why were you fighting?  I didn't tell you three fools you could fight!"

            "This stupid eggplant started it all, MotherBrain!"

            Eggie complained, "It's a lie, MB!  Cheese-breath here started it!"

            "That's a lie!" Mouser said.  "Dr. Maniac and ProtoBrain started it!"

            "Quit your lyin', you rodent!" MotherBrain said.  "Wily and his assistant are intelligent enough to stay on my good side!"  Eggplant, Hippo, and Mouser started trying to talk over one another in their feeble attempts to say who did it.

            Ludwig and Ridley, one of MotherBrain's two most intelligent assistants (the other was Wily), burst into the room.  Ludwig's fingers were sparking with evil magic.  "WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?"

            "Your Maniacal Koopaness, it was Eggplant Wizard who started it!" pleaded Mouser.  "You know I am a loyal. . ."

            Ludwig interrupted, "I don't care who started it!  I WANT YOU FOOLS TO STOP IT NOW!!!"

            Ridley, in a suit for the wedding, added, "Unless you want to be fried!"  He was a red, skinny dragon with a long tail and a long muzzle.  He had two arms, two legs, and two wings.

            "I'll provide some plasma-power," offered ProtoMan.

            "So, you three, prepare for the wedding now, before we fry you!" Ludwig warned.

            "Yes, Prince Ludwig!" said Eggplant Wizard.

            "Yes, Prince Ludwig!" Mouser said.

            King Hippo said, "Sure. . . uh, okay, Prince Ludwig!"

            "Now," said MotherBrain, "you three get back to work before I come down and help Prince L., Ridley, and ProtoMan fry you!"

            * * *

            In front of Count Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            At 7.00�, the evil group warped to CastleVania.  Dracula greeted them at the front door to his evil castle.  A tall, slender villain, he wore a tuxedo outfit with a red bow tie and a long, black cape.  Ludwig shook hands with the vampire Count.  In Romanian, he said, "I am happy to meet you, Count Dracula."  [� - Generally, VideoLandians use the twenty-four hour clock.  Time is rendered from 0.00 to 23.59 instead of from 12:00 A.M. to 11:59 P.M.  Hence, times such as 17.30 would be read 'seventeen hours and thirty minutes' or simply 'seventeen thirty.'  Times such as 11.00 would be read 'eleven hours.']

            "It is an honour to meet you, as well, Prince Ludwig," Dracula replied in Romanian.  In English, he continued, "You honour me by addressing me in my native language."

            " 'Tis an honour to speak it with you."

            "I remember that you requested me to escort the N-Team safely to their seats."

            "Exactly, my dear Count Dracula," MotherBrain said.  "Have Agahnim and Medusa arrived yet?"

            "No, but they notified me last night that they were, indeed, coming."

            "Good.  Got everything for the blow-out?"

            "Yes!  It will be more exciting than any of my funerals ever were!  Ha, ha, ha!  People rejoiced and celebrated more and more each time a Belmont thought he had done away with me.  I have the yummy snacks, the wedding cake,. . ."

            ". . .and the punch," Koopa said.  The vampire count nodded.

            King Hippo laughed, "Ha, ha!  I can do that!"

            Ludwig stomped on King Hippo's foot.  "Not that sort of punch, you cheese-nosed ninnyhammer!"

            "YOW!!!"

            "Shut up!" MotherBrain said.  "That yelp possessed enough amplitude to rouse the exanimate�!  No offence intended, Dracula."  [� - Meaning, "That yelp was loud enough to wake the dead!"]

            "None withstood," replied the Count.  "Do you know what my problem is?"

            "Not precisely.  What?"

            "People fear me.  I hate that.  Fear makes blood taste terrible!"

            Larry said, "You should know.  You are a vampire.  However, you are not to bite the necks on the N-Team, Link, or Zelda."

            "Do not worry.  I only feed between ten at night and three in the morning."

            "Ludwig, we could add Zelda to our list of intended victims," MotherBrain said.

            Ludwig said, "Mmm, yes.  I sent the guard-weakening spell to Neon Castle."

            "Good," said Bowser.

            Count Dracula said, "Come right in and do as at home.  I'll stand by the warp from the Palace of Power until the N-Team shows up, then I'll show them the way to their seats.  Meanwhile, my mummy will let in the guests."

            Morton said, "Hmm.  I thought your wife was doing that!"  Morton and Dracula laughed.

            Upon entering the castle, Ludwig said, "Hm!  What a spookily innovative castle you have, Dracula."

            "Thank you," said Dracula.  "I'm glad you like it."

            Wendy saw a mummy go past.  "Hey, mummy!  How are you?"  The mummy did not respond.

            "You must excuse my mummy, Princess 'Kootie Pie.'  She is too wrapped up in her work to talk to anyone!"  Dracula and Wendy laughed.

            Ludwig said, "If you don't mind, Drac, my father and I would like to look around your haunt before the ceremony."

            "Go ahead.  Knock yourselves out!"

            * * *

            Warp Area, Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            Around 8.30, the N-Team arrived by warp just when Ludwig and King Bowser had started looking around the area.  "Ah!  Good day," Ludwig greeted.  "I suppose that you are the N-Team."

            Koopa said, "I'm King Bowser Koopa, and this is my oldest son and best man, Prince Baron Ludwig 'Kooky' von(Bowser)Koopa�."  [� - The name 'Bowser' is stated, though it is in parentheses.]

            "I know of you," said Kevin in Italian.  In English, he continued, "You're the main villain in several video games, King Koopa!"

            "Marvellous Italian!" said Ludwig.  "No improper diphthongal sounds!"

            "I am the primary villain in three of Mario's games, in fact," Bowser said.  "Except for today, I am always in the mood to make others suffer, particularly the Mushroomians, those linguine-licking pasta-freaks, and that goody-goody little Princess Peach."

            "The soon-to-be Queen MotherBrain of the Koopas wishes, for once, that you have a good time.  Drackie, kindly show the lady, the gentlemen, and their two doggies around your castle after showing them to the ceremony hall, if you please."

            Dracula said, "Certainly, Prince 'Kooky.' "

            "I mind not," said Simon.  He got out his mirror and stared at himself.  "I'm as handsome as ev-. . . yaaah!!"

            "What is it, Simon?" Kid Icarus asked, concerned.  Once Simon announced quite audibly what was wrong, Kid Icarus knew that he should have known better than to ask.

            "I HAVE A PIMPLE!!!  NEVER HAVE I HAD A ZIT BEFORE!!!  THE EMOTIONAL SCARS COULD RUIN ME!!!"

            "It's so small as to be nearly unnoticeable, Simon," MegaMan said.

            "So?!?  It's still a zit!!  So much for the formula Acme-Anti-Acne."

            "You worry about the least little things, Simon," Lana said.

            "So he is the idiot whom MotherBrain has mentioned," Koopa said.

            "-Sigh.-  That he is, I believe."

            "I am doomed!" Belmont cried.  "Doomed!"

            Ludwig said, "Hm.  I can tell that the word 'vanity' is definitely in Belmont's vocab."

            "That is true," Lana said.  "He is self-centred and ego-maniacal."

            "It sure seems that way," said Bowser.  "Crazy over one teeny pimple like that!"

            Simon moaned, "How will I impress the ladies with this pimple on my face?"

            Ludwig sighed.  "Not even my little sister, Princess Wendy O. 'Kootie Pie' Koopa, is like that.  She may try to look gorgeous all the time, but she would never worry about a pimple that size."

            "This is true," said Koopa.

            Belmont ignored everything they said.  Putting his mirror away, he said, "Maybe using French will let me impress the girls."

            "Simon, the only one you want to impress is me!" Lana snapped.

            In French, Kevin said, "You are very funny, Mr. Belmont."

            Ludwig was impressed by Kevin's French.  In English, he praised, "You also speak French well.  You pronounce the French U well.  You did the nasal vowels properly."

            "Ludwig is the person with the most credits in the Romance Languages in the Mushroom World and in VideoLand," said Lana.  "I suspect that such praise from him would be rare."

            "Ah!  Thank you, Prince Ludwig."

            Ludwig said, "No problem, Captain N.  You even alter your method of pronunciation to simulate the accent of native speakers with extreme accuracy.  Very good and very impressive.  Simon, no matter what you say in any language or can even sound like you can speak it with simple competence, why would a lady be impressed by you?"

            "He has a point, Simon," Lana said.  "Even more so, he is correct.  Your ego gets out of control."

            "Oh, well," said Simon.  "I know there is someone who will always love me and whom I will always love."  He got his portable mirror again and admired himself once more.  "Me!"  The end of Simon's whip, his principal weapon, up from his belt and appeared to look at Simon as would a viper at its prey.

            "Simon, your whip is looking at you again," Kevin said.

            "Get back on the belt, you stupid whip!"  The whip slipped off and began to wrap up the vampire hunter.  "Yaah!  Hey!  What are you doing?"

            Once Simon had been tied up on the floor by his whip, Ludwig said, "Pathetic.  You cannot even keep your whip under control?"  He shook his head, then looked at Lana.  "And this imbecile is one of your highest-ranking officers, Your Highness?"

            Lana sighed.  "Yes, he is.  Why, I don't know."

            "It should appear that Simon is all tied up, Your Highness," Bowser said.

            "Get off me, you dumb whip!" Simon shouted.

            "Looks like your whip's got a crush on you, Simon!" said Kevin, amused.

            "A crush. . . very funny, Captain N."  The whip, obviously 'amused,' began squeezing Simon.  "Ow!  Cease and desist, you stupid whip!"

            Ludwig said, "Pardon me, Your Highness."  He stood Simon up and grabbed the handle of the whip.  "I believe that this is the most expeditious way to untie him."  Ludwig yanked the whip away from Simon.  This spun Simon, untying him.  Ludwig utilised the momentum of the whip to get it wrapped neatly.

            Once Simon stopped spinning, he said, "Whoa!  Thank you, Prince Ludwig."

            "No problem."  Ludwig gave the whip back to Simon.  "Just try to keep your weapons under control.  At any other time, I would not be in a mood to help you."

            After Simon put his whip back on his belt, Kevin said, "You know, Simon, you seemed to be much smarter in my video games.  What happened?"

            "I don't know," Simon said.

            "I can't believe that a whip and its master are the ones that are gumming up the works here," said Koopa.

            Lana said, "Neither can I.  Simon, are you ready?"

            "I guess so."

            "Drackie," Ludwig said, "I believe that I asked you to show Her Magnificent Highness, the great Captain N, the excellent archer Kid Icarus, the robotic wonder MegaMan, the incredible canine Duke, the mega-super RoboDog Rush, and unbelievably stupid Simon-the-Dopey around the castle."

            "Hey!" snapped Simon.  He noticed a trend.  "I resent that remark!"

            "Excellent.  You said resent rather than resemble.  Your Highness, why is this twit on your staff?"

            "He's the only qualified vampire hunter I could find," Lana said.

            "He is qualified?"

            "He is really not a fool.  He just behaves like a buffoon.  He is incredibly conceited.  In addition, he is hopelessly infatuated with me.  However, he knows his stuff."

            "Believe me," added Dracula, "he does a great job."

            Lana said, "All right.  If you're through fooling around, Simon, I'd like to tour the castle before the wedding is over.  See you later, King Bowser and Prince Ludwig."

            "See you later, N-Team," Koopa said.

            Dracula first showed the N-Team to the ceremony hall, then took them on a tour of the castle.  The last place he took them was the oldest and appeared to have been the most beautiful.  "This castle houses the finest spookiness money can buy.  Complete with bats in my belfry, I had the former parts of the castle constructed on a good deal.  But this part is the oldest; it portrays some of how CastleVania was before the MegaLandians unified VideoLand."  He showed them a room where was a preserved skeleton with his foot in a ball-and-chain lock.  "This was the original owner of ten thousand years ago.  He ruled the Transylvanian Alps from this castle.  You can see that he became quite attached to it; he had a real ball here."  He showed them elegant drapes on the windows.  "These were manufactured in Scotland Neck, North Carolina, on the Earth in MegaLand.  I love that place; it's one into which I can really sink my teeth!"  Just then, a grandfather clock chimed to signal that it was ten hours.  "It is ten.  If you will excuse me, N-Team, I must go to the congregation hall."

            "Thank you for the tour, Count," Lana said.

            "My pleasure."  Dracula left.

            "Boy!" said Kid Icarus.  "Time sure flies-icus when you're having fun-icus."

            MegaMan agreed, "Certainly does."

            * * *

            MotherBrain's Dressing Area, Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            In MotherBrain's dressing room, she was singing quietly to herself while King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Dr. Wily were attempting to dress her appropriately.  ProtoMan was supervising.  Wendy O. Koopa entered.

            When King Hippo finished cleaning her jar, MotherBrain asked, "How are you coming with my gown, Eggplant?"

            Using a rope strung through several pulleys, Eggplant was lowering the gown to MotherBrain.  "Fine, MotherBrain.  Just fine."  Dr. Wily came along with a ladder and accidentally bumped Eggplant Wizard in the arm.  The gown fell on King Hippo, and the pulley wheel to which it was directly attached bashed King Hippo in the head.  "Uh, oops!"

            "Excuse me, Eggplant!" Wily said.  He placed the ladder against MotherBrain's jar.  When Eggplant Wizard went to pull the rope, Wily's foot became caught in a loop in the rope.  He was propelled across and bashed into Eggplant Wizard!  The gown and pulley wheel fell on King Hippo in the same way.

            ProtoMan's left hand retracted into his wrist to become his plasma cannon.  Aiming his cannon at Eggplant, he said, "You've got exactly half a minute to get that gown on her, Eggplant Wizard!"

            Wendy screeched, "Heck with half a minute!  If you don't do it right now, I'll fix you good!"

            "Yes, ProtoMan and Princess Wendy!" said Eggplant Wizard.  He got up and ran for the rope and tripped over King Hippo.  Of course, seven dozen vegetables and fruits popped out of the Eggplant Wizard.

            MotherBrain sighed.  "I wonder how my dear Bowser is doing."

            "Chances are that, at the rate at which we are presently progressing, he should be doing pretty darn well," Wendy said.

            "That's probably an accurate assumption, my dear," said MotherBrain.

            To King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, Wendy said, "All right, you two foolish dumdums!  If Her Most Wicked Braininess is late for the wedding ceremony, I will take it out on your worthless hides!"

            Eggplant Wizard said, "Yes, Princess Wendy!"

            King Hippo said, "Yes, Princess Wendy!"

            "This is simpler than falling off a log," said Wendy as Wily was getting the rope off his foot.  Wendy took it and performed the actions that she described.  "Observe, if you please, how I calmly and coolly pull the rope to lift the gown in the best manner possible.  Notice how I calmly let go of the rope a little at a time so as not to drop the gown on the floor.  See that I get this gown successfully on MotherBrain.  Voilà!  That job is done.  GOT IT, IDIOTS?!?"

            "I like your style, Wendy," MotherBrain said.  "Now, Dr. Wily, please proceed to come up here and make certain that my lovely tentacles are ready as you were going to do before that idiot Eggplant pulled you halfway across the accursèd room."

            "Yes, MotherBrain," said Dr. Wily.  Then, a loud explosion sounded from the direction of Bowser's dressing room!  "What was that?"

            "I don't know," said MotherBrain, "but I hope that Bowser's all right."

            * * *

            King Bowser Koopa's Dressing Area, Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            In King Koopa's dressing room, things were not going quite as planned, either.  "Mouser, you dumb rodent with a stupid German accent!  Why do you have to let your bombs pop out all the time?"

            "Sorry, Your Most Vile Koopaness!" whimpered Mouser.

            Try-Clyde's centre head said, "Don't worry.  I'll help you get your suit on."  Try-Clyde was a serpent with three heads, none of which held a substantial brain.

            Ludwig sighed.  "At this rate, we won't get ready period.  Now listen up, Mouser, Try-Clyde, and Clawgrip!  If King Dad isn't ready when the ceremony begins, I'm taking it out on you!"

            "Yeah!" Bowser said.  "Mouser, get my suit jacket on me immediately!"

            "Yes, King Koopa!" said Mouser.  He put the suit jacket on Bowser with absolute perfection.

            "Very good, rodent!  Later, I shall officially retract some of the nasty things I've said about you."  At that moment, something pinched his tail.  "Yow!  Clawgrip!  Be careful, you stupid overgrown crab!"

            "Sorry, Your Koopaness!" Clawgrip said.  He was a large, red crab with pincers.

            "Luckily, there is only one little matter of business left," said Bowser.

            Larry took the tie and handed it to Bowser.  "Here you are, my dear dad."

            "Ah!  Thank you, Larry!"  Koopa put on the tie.  "Perfect!"

            "Right down to the 'T'!" said Morton.

            "I thank you for your help, my kids.  I'll mingle with the crowd.  Do whatever you want."

            Roy said, "You got it, green daddy!"  Bowser departed for the congregation hall.  "Now listen up, Mouser, Try-Clyde, and Clawgrip.  You three have made a big mess in here."

            Ludwig said, "Yes, and we want you to clean it up.  NOW!!!"

            The three fools said, "Yes, Your Koopanesses!"  They quickly got to work.

            "Keep an eye on them, Roy," said Ludwig.  "I shall go see how MotherBrain is coming along."

            "Yes, my diabolical brother!" Roy replied in Spanish.

            * * *

            MotherBrain's Dressing Area, Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            "King Hippo was polite enough to scrub my jar, and now your stupid tomatoes pop out on it!" MotherBrain screamed at Eggplant Wizard.

            "Sorry, MotherBrain!" whined Eggplant Wizard.

            Wendy shouted, "You will be sorry if you don't clean it up now!!!"

            Quickly scrubbing MotherBrain's jar, Eggplant said, "Yes, Princess Wendy!"

            "You'd better hurry," said MotherBrain.  In French, she said, "The wedding begins in ten minutes!"

            Wendy sighed.  "It's so hard to get good help anymore, eh, MotherBrain?"

            "How true.  HURRY UP, YOU INCOMPETENT VEGETABLE!!!  YOU HAVEN'T FOREVER!!!"

            "Yes, MB!" said Eggplant.  "There!  All clean."

            "YOU MISSED A BLASTED SPOT!!!" screamed Wendy.

            Eggplant said, "Oops!  There.  All clean."

            "Good!"  Someone knocked on the door.

            "Who's there?"

            "It is Ludwig," Ludwig said.

            "Come in, my brother," said Wendy.  Ludwig entered.

            In French, Ludwig greeted, "Hello!  May I refer to you with the familiar form, MotherBrain?"  In French, the pronoun 'you' had both a familiar and a formal form in the singular.  He was now using the formal and asking if he could use the familiar.

            "If you please, my dear Ludwig," said MotherBrain in French, using the familiar form.

            "Are you ready?" he asked in French.

            "Finally!" replied the brain, again in French.  "What about Bowser?"

            "After a terribly explosive ordeal with Mouser, Try-Clyde, and Clawgrip, he's ready.  How went it with you?" he asked, still in French.

            "This dumb buffoon, Eggplant, kept goofing off!" Wendy said in French.

            "I'm glad that that part is over with," said MotherBrain, still in French.  Ludwig looked at his watch.

            "Uh, oh!" he said in French.  "We had better move it.  The wedding begins in five minutes."

            * * *

            Congregation Hall, Dracula's Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

            In the congregation hall, the N-Team encountered Link and Zelda.  "Good day, N-Team," Link said.  He was in a suit and Zelda was in a dress for this meeting.  Link had brown hair and blue eyes, while Zelda had long, blonde hair and blue eyes.  Link normally wore a bright green outfit. . . a green, floppy hat, green vest, and green shoes, with an orange long-sleeved shirt and orange pants.  Even now, he wore his sword on the left side so he could grasp the handle with his right hand.  Zelda usually wore a dark lavender shirt that, like Lana's, left the arms and the belly area exposed, she wore a blue vest, and she wore light lavender pants and long, black boots that extended up above the knees.  Also, she normally wore a belt with a triangular buckle to represent the Triforce, as well as a long glove that extended back past her elbows on her right hand and a gold bracelet on her left wrist.  She wore gold pendant earrings now, as usual, as well as a blue crown with rubies set into it.  Like all other members of their species, Link and Zelda had long, pointed ears.

            Captain N said, "It's good to see you two again."

            "Let's not just stand around," said Lana.  "Let's take our seats."

            "I couldn't agree more," said Zelda.  "My feet are about to kill me!  I hate these stupid shoes!"

            "Why do you hate those shoes?" Kevin asked.

            "They're too tight!"  She much preferred her adventuring boots; they were more comfortable.  They sat down, where Simon began examining himself in his mirror again.

            Simon said to himself, "Maybe I can cover this zit up with some hair if I. . ."

            "Forget it!" Kid Icarus interrupted.  "It's okay, really."  Kevin examined the program.  It was in French.  The ceremony was to be entirely in French.

            Kevin said, "According to my program, Ludwig von Koopa is the best man, and Wendy O. Koopa is the bridesmaid of honour."  The music was begun, a spooky-sounding version of the Bridal Chorus from Wagner's {vahg-nur'z} Lohengrin {ló-ehn-grihn}.  MotherBrain came rolling down the aisle.

            When she arrived at the altar, Dracula began in French, "Immortals and mortals, we are here today in order that we might join this reptile and this brain in marriage.  Bowser Koopa, King of the Evil Koopas, do you take this lovely lady as your lawfully wedded wife, considering any circumstances in which you may find yourself?"

            In French, Bowser said, "I do."

            "MotherBrain, do you take this man as your legally wedded husband, considering any circumstances in which you may find yourself?"

            "Yes, I do," MotherBrain said in French.

            "King Bowser, please place the ring on her tentacle."  Bowser slipped the wedding ring in his possession on MotherBrain's left tentacle.  "Repeat after me:  with this ring, I thee wed."

            "With this ring, I thee wed."

            "MotherBrain, please place the ring on his finger."  MotherBrain placed the ring in her possession on King Koopa's left ring finger.  "Please repeat:  with this ring, I thee wed."

            "With this ring, I thee wed," MotherBrain told Bowser.

            "If there is anyone who may be able to give testimony concerning why this reptile and this brain should not be married, that person should speak of it now or forever hold his or her peace."  He paused in case anyone could offer such testimony.  No one spoke.  "Very well.  With the power vested in me by the Prime Minister of CastleVania, I pronounce you husband and wife.  King Bowser, you may now kiss MotherBrain."  Bowser and MotherBrain kissed each other at the same location on either side of the glass.  Dracula exited.

            "And with my power," Bowser finished in French, "I pronounce you MotherBrain, Queen of the Koopas!"  This time the Wedding March from Mendelssohn's {mehn-dehl-suhn'z} A Midsummer Night's Dream sounded as Bowser and MotherBrain left the hall.

            * * *

            Mario-Team's Cell, Neon Castle, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

            The Mario-Team was searching for a method of escaping from their cell in Neon Castle.  Unbeknownst to them, their escape had been pre-arranged by Bowser.  "We can't just bust out of here," said Mario, deep in thought.  "The castle is too heavily guarded.  Hmm.  How shall we escape from here without drawing the Koopa-guards' attention to us?"

            "Yoshi starving!" complained Yoshi.  "Yoshi hungry enough to eat entire castle!"

            "That's it!" Toad exclaimed.

            "What's it?" asked Princess Peach.

            "Yoshi can eat us out of here pronto!"

            "I see!"

            Mario said, "I also have a spare Hammer Brothers Suit!"  Mario held up the Hammer Brothers Suit power-up in his hand.  He turned into Hammer Mario, with the most powerful power-up in the Mushroom World!  He shot mega-deadly hammers and was impervious to fireballs when he ducked inside his shell.  "Make way for Hammer Mario!"  Mario burst the door open with hammers.  When the Boomerang Brothers approached to attack, Yoshi ate them.

            "We know you're still hungry, dino-pal," Luigi said.  "Your lunch will be here soon enough.  Look!"

            Peach said, "Thwomp Traps, Dry Bones Troopas, 'Boo' Diddlies, and tons of Koopa-Troopas, and a Boom-Boom too!"

            "Oh, yum!" Yoshi said excitedly.  "Snack time!"  He stuck out his tongue and caught all the enemies with one swipe and jammed them down his throat.  "Buuuuurp!  Excuse me.  I'm still hungry!"

            Mario said, "Let's get out of this castle before Koopa stops us."  A few minutes and many Yoshi-meals later, the Mario-Team appeared outside the castle.

            "Am I glad to be out of there!" exclaimed Luigi.

            "Yoshi still ravenous!" Yoshi complained.  He grabbed Neon Castle with his tongue and hauled it into his stomach.  As his stomach was compacting it, Yoshi let out a long, disgusting burp.  "Excuse me!  Now I'm full!"

            Mario laughed, "Ha, ha!  Will Bowser Koopa be mad!"

            Luigi noticed the warp to Metroid.  "Yo, Mario, do you remember this warp zone here?"

            "No, I don't."

            "That must be the warp between the Mushroom World and VideoLand!" Peach said.

            Larry's hologram appeared in mid-air.  "Boy, are you too right!  You'll never believe that my dad has gotten himself hitched!  He just married the lovely MotherBrain."

            Wendy's hologram appeared next to Larry's.  "We aren't doing a wicked thing today.  The ceremony and wedding party are in CastleVania.  The N-Team and Link and Zelda are our special guests!"

            "Yeah!  You needn't start any trouble.  In fact, you should really be here."

            Koopa appeared next to the other two.  "I arranged for your escape so that you could come to CastleVania on today, the day of my wedding to the beautiful MotherBrain.  The reception party is terrific.  Here's how you get here.  When you enter the warp zone, turn left, and take the third warp on the right.  You'll arrive in CastleVania.  Eggplant Wizard, one of the most brainless dunces in the universe, shall be waiting."  All three images disappeared at once.

            "Think we should go along with it?" Mario asked Peach.

            "Why not?" said Peach.  "Maybe we'll discover what's happening in VideoLand."  They leapt into the warp.