Act 27 - Date: 1 April 1992
Section 3: Darkwing Duck's Justice Ducks
Part 1: The April Fooled Fish
First and Only Division
First and Only Chapter
Characters: Darkwing's Justice Ducks, Fearsome Ten
April 1.
Darkwing Tower.
I In scanning his records, Darkwing found that one of his archenemies from the former Fearsome Five organisation, Liquidator, had broken out of prison and was messing up the water everywhere. "So, Liquidator has broken out of prison and is terrorising the city with his water, eh? Well, I'll put him back where he belongs: the cooler!"
Launchpad, naturally a little eccentric, asked, "Gee, DW, how are you going to catch up with ol' Waterhead?" Launchpad wore a brown flight suit with goggles and a scarf. He, too, had white feathers; he was a little shorter than Kevin. This was a tall height for toon-ducks. All toon-ducks had large eyes, and Darkwing and Launchpad were no exception. Whereas ducks from our world had wings, toon-ducks had arms and hands.
"Simple: I'll have him come to me!"
"How will you do that?"
"I'll mess up his water-bottling business!"
"Er, don't you think that he'll object to that?"
Darkwing looked out at an imaginary audience as if to say, 'duhh!' "Yeah, right. Don't worry; I'll get him this time! Nothing will go wrong."
"Okay, DW. I'll stay here and keep an eye on the equipment."
"Right! If Mega Volt or Bushroot breaks out of prison, you call me immediately. Also report if there is any news about Quacker Jack. I know I got Negaduck. Got the instructions?"
"Yup, DW!"
"Later!" Darkwing went to his motorcycle, the Rat-Catcher, got on it, started it, and zoomed out through a trap door. He went toward the Liquidator's bottling plant.
* * *
Liquidator's Water-Bottling Plant.
Presently in this bottling plant was the Master of all Fluids himself, the Liquidator. A toon-dog mutated by chemicals, Liquidator was completely made of water. He normally retained his normal form, that of a toon-dog about Launchpad's height. Like most toon-dogs, he stood on two legs, and what were the front legs on ordinary dogs were arms. But what had altered Liquidator allowed him to take the form of just about anything. "Yes, my latest scheme for city-wide domination is about to reach its wicked climax! First, I mess up the city's water by messing up the sewer. Then, I sell my bottled water for an outrageously high price. And, just when the city is getting enough water to drink, I threaten to quit making it unless the city makes me its emperor! Oh, what a scheme! OH, WHAT A SCHEME!!! HA, HA, HA, HA!!! Of course, I'll need the help of two of my pals from our organisation, the Fearsome Five, who are still in jail. Too bad that we lost Negaduck and that Quacker Jack left us. Wait. . . brainstorm here. . . oh, am I clever! I'll find Neptunia, my old adversary from Darkwing Duck's former Justice Ducks league, and fill her puny fish-mind with the knowledge of all the pollution that's going on; and she'll help me! She'll think that she's helping me to remove the pollution. . . and she'll actually be helping me to pollute the water with agents that affect people, but not fish! I AM SO SMART!!! Ha, ha, ha! The Liquidator-brand reigns supremely over all other products! Ha, ha, ha!" Darkwing's trademark smoke appeared in one corner of the room.
Darkwing's voice announced, "I am the terror that flaps in the night!"
"Well, well! It's that conceited duck!"
Darkwing's smoke dissipated, revealing the duck himself. "I am the 'inferior product' that outrates yours ten billion times. I am Darkwing Duck!"
"Well, howdy, Darkwing Duck! You may have stopped my original scheme to conquer the city and to dominate the bottled water market; you may have stopped all of the members of the Fearsome Five, even when we were united; you may have left Negaduck to be sucked into the Universal Drain; but you will not stop me this time! Speaking of time, this is all I have for you now, so I'm just going to wave good-bye! Farewell, my 'friend'!" Liquidator made a huge wave out of some small amount of water standing on the floor. The wave did, indeed, 'wave' Darkwing good-bye, as it washed him out the door and down to the street. "Now, it's time to go to prison and wave hello to my two friends, 'Sparkie' and 'Melon-head'!" He departed.
* * *
On the street below, Darkwing got up. "Ohh. . . blast ol' Waterhead!" Liquidator 'materialised' next to him.
Liquidator said, "You know, Darkwing, nine out of ten dentists would recommend that you never call me that again!!" He turned his right fist into a huge mallet and whacked Darkwing in the head before leaving for the prison.
* * *
Prison for Super-Villains.
Out at the prison, Mega Volt and Bushroot were in a cell together, moping about. Bushroot was about the height of Liquidator, and Mega Volt was a little shorter. Mega Volt was a strange toon-dog with buck-teeth. He wore a yellow outfit, blue goggles, a red hard hat with an American-style electric plug on his hat, a red battery on his back, and an electrical outlet on his chest; the outlet was connected to the battery. Bushroot had been a toon-duck, but he had performed an experiment that turned him into a mutant plant-duck. He was in the basic shape of a duck, but he was green, except for his brown legs and feet, the purple growth on top of his head, and his yellow beak.
Always short-tempered, Mega Volt said, "I'm telling you, Bushroot, if Liquie doesn't burst us out of here soon, I'm going to go stark crazy!"
"How can you go stark crazy when you are stark crazy, Sparkie?"
"Oooh, DON'T CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!! I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!! It is very, very annoying!" He then blasted a lightning bolt at Bushroot, who barely avoided it.
"You are so antisocial, you living power plant!"
"Well, Melon-head, maybe if people didn't misunderstand me so, I would not have such a short fuse!"
"Oooh, I hate it when people call me Melon-head! It's so, so unkind!" Bushroot sprouted a daisy from one of his hands, and this daisy sprayed Mega Volt with a fine mist of water. Mega Volt shorted out.
"Yaaah! What's this about being antisocial, my dear Bushroot?"
"Okay, so I need a longer fuse, too." Suddenly the floor began to shake. "Whoa! I didn't order a milkshake!"
"That's not a milkshake, Bushroot! That's a floorquake!" A hole opened in the floor. "Yaah! It's not the fall season, either! Yaaa. . .!" Mega Volt and Bushroot fell through a 'tunnel' to the outside of the prison. At the very bottom of the fall was Liquidator. "Well, howdy, Waterhead!"
Liquidator helped Mega Volt and Bushroot up. "I just gave Darkwing Dumb-head a throbbing headache for calling me 'Waterhead'! This is my first and last warning: nine out of ten dentists and nine out of ten electrical technicians would recommend that one not call me 'Waterhead'! I'm going to call no one 'Sparkie' or 'Melon-head.' "
"I should hope not!" said Mega Volt. "Bushroot made the mistake of calling me 'Sparkie,' and then I made the mistake of calling him 'Melon-head.' I got the particularly worse response; he managed to dodge my response."
Liquidator said, "Well, now that we understand each other's terms, let's get back to land and put my plan into operation as the Fearsome Three!"
"Yeah! Fearsome Three: the organisation of Liquidator, Bushroot, and Mega Volt, since we said farewell to Quacker and Negaduck! Uh, hang on a sec. Your plan?"
Bushroot asked, "Why not, Spa-. . . I mean Mega Volt? He did rescue us."
"What's the scale of the plan?"
"With the least possible amount of favourable results, city-wide," said Liquidator. "I'm aiming for global results."
Mega Volt said, "Well, you've outdone me. Let's go." Liquidator took Mega Volt and Bushroot back to land.
* * *
At Darkwing Tower, Darkwing had just returned. "DW, Mega Volt and Bushroot have been burst out of prison by Liquidator," Launchpad reported.
Darkwing said, "Oh, perfect. Well, I say it's time to fix them before they fix the city. Launchpad, it is time to get dangerous!" They entered the ThunderQuack, their purple, duck-head-shaped jet. Launchpad flew both of them to Liquidator's bottling factory.
* * *
Liquidator's Water-Bottling Plant.
Liquidator laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! Soon, I'll control all of the water in Saint Canard! Then, I'll get Neptunia to join forces with us, misleading her into thinking that she will be helping her sea-pals. Actually, she'll be doing that and helping to make the water unusable by any person all over the world. I'll sell my bottled water, the only water that anyone can drink, for the price of one million dollars a bottle! If no one can afford it, Neptunia will help me to do something that will flood the city. Of course, she will not know that it will flood the city, but what the heck? It will then be too late for her to do anything against us! Ha, ha, ha!"
"What about Bushroot and me?" asked Mega Volt. "What will we drink?
"What else? Drink Sparkling Crystal-Pure Flood Water! For you two only, at the unbelievably low price of zero dollars and zero cents a bottle!"
Mega Volt and Bushroot astonishedly asked, "Really?"
"Well, it's either that or full price. Which will it be?"
Mega Volt said, "I don't know about Mel-. . . I mean, Bushroot, but I prefer the former."
"Me, also!" said Bushroot.
Liquidator got two bottles of his water and handing them to Mega Volt and Bushroot. "Drink up, boys! There's plenty for everyone!"
Neptunia's voice queried, "Did you send for me, Liquidator?"
"Yes, I did, Neptunia." Neptunia swung down to the floor from the ceiling by using some kelp as a rope. She was a toon-fish, and she was just about Kid Icarus's size. She was green. She, too had been mutated; she had legs and arms as well as fins. She had a conical sea-shell that she used as a trumpet.
"Why did you want to see me, Liquidator?" she asked. "To lure me into helping you in one of your wicked schemes?"
"No, my dear Neptunia. I just overheard that they have established a new city ordinance, which states that all nuclear solid wastes are to be dumped just outside Audubon Bay!"
"Is that so?" she asked, falling for it like a rock.
"Yes. I'm willing to throw off my evil shell in order to give you non-polluting chemicals that will neutralise the wastes and, at the same time, help to improve the health of any of your sea creatures that were harmed by pollution."
"Do I have your assurance that these chemicals will not help to promote eutrophication?"
"Most certainly, ma'am." This was quite true, as well.
"All right, but one step out of line, and Hal, my servant octopus, will squeeze you. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand. Bushroot and Mega Volt, keep an eye on the factory, please. Neptunia and I have some business to which to attend."
"Right, Liquidator!" said Mega Volt.
"Yes, Liquidator," Bushroot said.
Liquidator said, "Later!" Liquidator and Neptunia left for the bay.
"I don't trust that fish," Mega Volt said. "She might tell Darkwing Duck on us! She was on his team once." Darkwing's trademark smoke appeared.
"Are you talking about me?" Darkwing asked.
Bushroot said, "Yah! It's that blasted Darkwing Duck with his daisy-wilting gas!"
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the water that short-circuits your electricity! I am Darkwing Duck!" Darkwing and Launchpad appeared out of the smoke. "Your shocking days are through, Mega Volt! So are your weeding days, Bushroot!"
Mega Volt's plugs were shining. "Do you really think so, Dipwing? If you do, then you're so wrong!" Mega Volt tossed several shocks at Darkwing, which the latter evaded. "The Liquidator is out now, so, if you'll leave your name and number, we'll put your name at the bottom of the waiting list that has not yet been created!"
"What kind of waiting list?"
Bushroot said, "Oh, Liquidator's going to make all the world's water undrinkable, so that his alone will be the only drinkable drink."
"You are stupid!!!" screamed Mega Volt. He microwaved Bushroot with his shocking electricity.
"Yow! Hey! For what was that, Mega Volt?"
"Do you not know what the term secret means?"
"I do."
"Then, why did you tell Darkwing Duck what it is?!?"
"I don't know."
"Well, this is sure going to make Liquidator angry! I'll deal with Dimwing!" Mega Volt shocked Darkwing and Launchpad and, with his electricity, hurled them out the door. "Well, that's that."
* * *
Audubon Bay Bridge.
At the Audubon Bay Bridge, Neptunia and Liquidator were on the western edge, overlooking the bay. "See, Neptunia? Those are disguised city dump ships dumping nuclear waste into the bay."
"Well, first thing's first! I'll call my octopus, Hal, to toss those polluters to where they belong!" Neptunia blew on her seashell trumpet. Hal, her octopus pal, emerged, grabbed the ship (which was dumping nuclear waste into the bay waters), and tossed it far into the city. "Well, that's that. THANKS, HAL!!" Neptunia blew a thank you and then an order for Hal to return to the ocean depths on her seashell. "Okay, Liquidator. Let's get out there and get rid of the pollutants."
"I only hope that Darkwing Duck does not misinterpret our actions as being hostile," Liquidator lied.
"If he does, I'll teach him another lesson, but I won't be quite so harsh with him this time. Let's go."
* * *
By boat, they went out to the middle of the bay. Neptunia said, "Eww! Yuck! It sure stinks worse now than this morning!"
Liquidator put his finger in the water. "No longer for this small section! I am ordering the waters of this small part of the bay to create substances that will counteract the pollutants." The water suddenly started to smell a heck of a lot fresher.
"Wow! Well, it sure smells better. Better check out the immediate area in the water, though."
"Knock yourself out." Neptunia dove into the water. A few minutes later, she re-emerged at the boat.
"Wow! This stretch of the bay hasn't been this clean since I was in my egg! The water tastes great, too!"
"So, you like it?"
"Buddy, you've got yourself a deal!" The two shook hands.
* * *
Darkwing Tower.
Darkwing said, "I cannot believe it! That Liquidator has Mega Volt and Bushroot absolutely co-operating with him. . . without any of Negaduck's supervision!" Gosalyn Mallard, Darkwing's adopted daughter, and Honker Muddlefoot, her (somewhat geeky) friend from next-door to where Darkwing lived as Drake Mallard, entered. They were about as tall as Neptunia was, and they were both toon-ducks. Gosalyn was quite a tomboy; she wore a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and her red hair had two pony-tails on either side of her head. Honker had a backpack and glasses. "Oh, hello, Gos and Honk."
Honker said, "Hello, Mr. Mallard."
"Hi, Dad," Gosalyn said. "How's it going?"
Darkwing facetiously answered, "Oh, okay. Liquidator has broken Mega Volt and Bushroot out of prison. Heh, heh. Yep, I'd say everything's going quite well. . . if I wanted to be facetious." Seriously, he said, "Liquidator's working on making his water the only drinkable drink again."
"I would not drink ol' Waterhead's water if my life depended on it!" said Gosalyn.
"Ahem. He literally gave me a headache this morning when I called him that. I guess he doesn't like to be called that."
"Well, aren't you going to stop that fiendish blob of water?"
"Yes, but I cannot right now. He's reeled in Neptunia hook, line, and sinker. I do not want to get on Barracuda-Breath's bad side again, now that we've worked on the same team together. Besides, I left a little radio device in Liquidator's hideout. It will record the every word of him, Neptunia, Mega Volt, and Bushroot."
* * *
Liquidator's Water-Bottling Plant.
While Neptunia was in another room, getting Liquidator's 'wonder'-chemicals, Liquidator was speaking with Mega Volt. "He said what?"
Mega Volt said, "He told Darkwing Duck about part of your plan. I fried both of them, plus Darkwing Duck's sidekick, Launchpad McJerk."
"Just wait until I get my H2O molecules on that idiotic piece of kelp! He'll writhe in sheer agony! He'll beg for mercy!"
"Mind if I help you by shocking the devil out of him?"
"No, but keep Neptunia busy. I told her part of the truth about those chemicals. What I did not tell her was. . . can you keep a secret?"
"Yes, Liquidator."
Into Mega Volt's ear, Liquidator whispered, "I did not tell her that the chemicals would entirely make the bay water poisonous to land-dwellers."
Mega Volt got a big smile on his face but, due to great effort, kept from laughing. He whispered back, "What a plan, Liquidator! In what area will you need the help of Bushroot and me?"
"It's necessary that you and he be alert. In case Neptunia wises up, we'll have to dump the chemicals into the city plumbing systems ourselves. As it is, you and I, ourselves, will need to dump the chemicals into the regular water molecules of my competitors. You two are my lookouts right now. You're to keep any intruders from getting into the factory. Got it?"
"Got it! Want me to keep fish-face occupied?"
"Yes, while I give Bushroot something about which to think for the next time he wants to reveal my plan to Darkwing Duck." Mega Volt saluted Liquidator.
"You've got it, Liquie!" Liquidator went through one door, while Mega Volt went through the door to the chemical vats. "Hi, Neptunia. Finding everything you need?"
"Yes, thank you, Sparkie," Neptunia replied.
Trying as hardly as possible to keep his intense anger in, Mega Volt said, "Please, Neptunia. I normally fry anyone who calls me that, but, since you don't understand that yet, I'm trying to keep from doing that. One moment." Mega Volt entered a nearby closet. In the closet Neptunia saw several flashes of electric energy, accompanied by screaming. Mega Volt then came back out, fried to a crisp. "That sure feels better."
"Well, I'm finished. By the way, Mega Volt, what did you do?"
"Oh, I just fried myself. Don't worry; I'm used to it. Darkwing Duck reflects my energy back to me all the time."
"Well, Mega Volt, tell Liquidator that I really appreciate him for giving me these agents."
"No problem. We aim to please!"
"See you later, Mega Volt."
"See you later, Neptunia." Neptunia left through the door to the outside. "Heh, heh! We've really reeled fish-bait in!" He left through the door to Liquidator's office, where Liquidator, sitting at his desk, was talking to Bushroot. . . not yelling at Bushroot.
Bushroot said, "But, Liquie, we've been pals for a long time!"
"And I'm not ready to change that," said Liquidator. "I just want you to realise that you shouldn't go around telling Dimwit Dope our schemes. In other words, be careful about what you say. Got me?"
"Yes, sir." Mega Volt came in.
"She's gone," said Mega Volt.
Liquidator asked, "How much did she take?"
"About a quarter of the chemicals."
"Good! That ought to take care of the city's water. Ha, ha, ha! After that, one quarter more will take care of the country. Then, when it becomes time, she'll get the remaining half, which will take care of the rest of the entire world! Every person, except for three select people, will have to buy their water from me!"
"You would not need water, so that would mean Bushroot, me, and whom else?"
"Our ol' pal, Quacker Jack! In fact, bring me a bottle of my water, Mega Volt." Mega Volt left. In a moment, he returned with a bottle of Liquidator's water. "Thanks! Bushroot, do you know how to type?"
Bushroot said, "No. I hate technology; it ruins the environment."
"Well, this technology will not!" said Liquidator. He formed his left hand into a typewriter. He took a sheet of paper and put it into the 'typewriter.' "This paper is manufactured from a plant; the method of manufacture doesn't kill the plant, nor does it harm the environment." He used the typewriter to type the following message:
Dear Quacker Jack,
This is Liquidator. I am working on a scheme that may help me to conquer the entire world. Please come by my factory today to speak with me, as I am prepared to make you one of the very few people who will be immune to and will be able to help me in this conquest. See you later.
Yours truly,
Liquidator
Liquidator said, "Well, that should do it. Mega Volt, would you pop over to the Quacker Jack Toy Company and deliver this to Quacker Jack?"
"Yes, Liquidator." Mega Volt left.
* * *
Audubon Bay.
Out in the bay, Neptunia blew on her trumpet. Her octopus, Hal came immediately. She handed him the bag containing the chemicals that Liquidator let her have. "Hal, go all about the bay and let these chemicals out as evenly as possible. Also, try to save a little. Got it?" Hal nodded, took the bag, and dove. "Nothing to do now but wait."
* * *
Quacker Jack Toy Company.
At the Quacker Jack Toy Company, Mega Volt arrived in his nutty-looking electric car at the service door. He buzzed. In a few minutes, his toy-making pal, Quacker Jack, arrived. He was about as tall as Mega Volt. This toon-duck wore a clown suit with baggy pants and frills at the collar and sleeve-ends. He also wore a head-piece with a long pieces on either side of his head that each had a bell on the end; the one to the right was red, the other was blue. "Hi, Mega Volt! How are you doing?"
Mega Volt said, "Okay, Chuckles. I came. . ."
"Oooh, I hate it when people call me 'Chuckles'! I just hate it!" Quacker Jack whistled. Two sets of his lethal snap-teeth came. "It's play-time! Sic 'im, boys!" The two snap-teeth 'sic'ed Mega Volt. One bit his nose; the other bit his rear.
In extreme pain, Mega Volt screamed, "YOW!!! I THINK YOU OVERREACTED A LITTLE BIT, QUACKER JACK!!!"
"You're probably right. Boys, let him go and go back in." The two pairs of snap-teeth went back into the factory. "Sorry about that. I just fly off the handle as much when one calls me 'Chuckles' as when one calls you. . . oh, no. That word will never pass through my lips."
"What word?"
" 'Sparkie.' What else?"
"OOOH, I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!!"
"You made me say it, you electromagnetic idiot!"
"THAT STILL DOES NOT EXCUSE YOU FROM CALLING ME 'SPARKIE'. . . OR FROM CALLING ME AN ELECTROMAGNETIC IDIOT!!! PREPARE FOR FRYING, QJ!!!" Quacker Jack quickly got a piece of rubber from the ground and tried to protect himself with it. It served half of its purpose. It reflected back half of Mega Volt's energy so that it hit and fried Mega Volt, but it allowed the other half to hit and to fry Quacker Jack.
"Yow! What a shocking experience!"
"Oh, quit with the puns, clown! I came to deliver a note from Waterhead."
"Where is it?"
Mega Volt searched his pockets. "You probably helped me to fry it. Ah, here it is!" He got out the note, which looked as good as new. "Here you go." He handed the note to Quacker Jack, who read it.
"Hmm. He wants to see me. Is there any chance I might be able to ride with you?"
"Yes, unless you want to act stupid again by calling me that detestable word."
"What word? Spar-. . .?"
"Oooh, don't call me 'Sparkie'! Say that word again, and you'll be walking to Liquidator's bottling factory. . . and you'll be an awfully crispy critter!"
Quacker Jack blew a whistle in order to summon his toys. "Oh, all right. Anything else I have to remember?"
Mega Volt opened the rear trunk of his car for Quacker Jack's toys. "Yeah. . . don't call Bushroot 'Melon-head,' and don't call Liquidator 'Waterhead.' "
"Got it, MV!" When all the toys were in the trunk, Mega Volt shut it. He unlocked the passenger's door for Quacker Jack.
After getting into the driver's seat of his car and after Quacker Jack got into the front passenger's seat, Mega Volt said, "Then, let's go to the Liquidator's Bottling Plant." When he had started the car, Mega Volt sped off. He drove like an absolute maniac. (He was an absolute maniac!)
"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road, Sparkie!"
"DON'T CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!!" On the road, they passed Darkwing Duck, who, as it just so happened, was going to pay a visit on Quacker Jack!
Launchpad was in the sidecar of the Rat-Catcher, Darkwing Duck's purple motorcycle. "Hey! DW, that was Mega Volt's car. . . and I think I saw Quacker Jack in the passenger's seat!"
Darkwing asked, "Is that so?" Darkwing screeched the Rat-Catcher to a complete stop, whirled it around, then went after the two villains.
In Mega Volt's car, Quacker Jack had his window down. "Say, this is a nice car you've got, Mega Volt!"
"Thanks!" Quacker looked in the side mirror, then gasped. He looked to the rear.
"Oh, no! Step on it, Megzie! Darkwing Duck's chasing us!"
"WHAT?!?!?" He looked in his rear-view mirror above his windshield. "Yaaah!!! HOLD ON TO YOUR SEAT, QUACKIE!!! WE'RE GOING TO FLY LIKE A BAT OUT OF - uh, pardon my language - HELL!!!!" Mega almost punched the accelerator through the floor. He then lowered his window and looked in his outer rear-view mirror, then made a 'head-check,' turning his head around to check the road behind him. "Yaah! It's true!" He looked at the electricity gauge. "Uh, Quackie, do you mind if I tell you something?"
"What is it, Megzie?"
"-Gulp!- We're almost out of electricity."
"Are you almost out of electricity?"
"No."
"Then, our only chance to get away from Darkwing is for you to let me behind the wheel so you can refill the tank."
"Out there?"
"If you don't like it, you can crawl into the back seat, lower the window back there, open the electricity tank, and shoot some volts in there!"
"Great idea, Quackie. Take the wheel." Quacker got behind the wheel and slammed the accelerator onto the floor as Mega quickly crawled into the back seat. Mega lowered the left window. "Quacker Jack, there is a lever to the left of your seat with an electric plug on it. Please pull it up."
"What, this?" He pulled the specified lever. On the outside, a little door opened, revealing the hole for insertion of electricity.
"Yeah, thanks, Quacker Jack." Mega blasted electricity into the tank. Darkwing's Rat-Catcher came up. "Yaah! It's Darkwing Duck!"
Darkwing said, "Nice guess, Sparkie!"
"I'M GETTING AWFULLY DAMNED TIRED OF EVERYONE CALLING ME 'SPARKIE'!!!" Mega blasted Darkwing's front tire but created a very small hole.
Quacker Jack said, "No, Mega Volt. That's not how you give a cyclist a flat." Quacker got out a set of his snap-teeth. "This is how!" He tossed the snap-teeth out the window. The snap-teeth snapped Darkwing's front tire, making it flat enough for it to be necessary for him to stop. "What do you think of that?"
Getting into the front passenger seat, Mega Volt said, "Not bad, Quacker Jack. On to Liquidator!"
"Uh, there might be a small problem."
"What?"
"I have neither knowledge of precisely where his factory is nor a licence to drive."
"WHAT?!? STOP THE CAR!!!"
"Which pedal is the brake? This one?" He pressed in the clutch.
"No, that's the clutch. The one to the right of it."
"Oh, that one." He released the clutch and pressed in the brake. When they stopped, the car stalled. "Oh, drat! What happened now?"
"Sorry. That's only a minor problem. The car stalled because I didn't tell you to keep the darn clutch in."
"At least we weren't at an intersection where an immediate stop was needed." They switched around, then drove off to Liquidator's bottling factory.
Darkwing was trying to fix his flat. "Drat; they got away. I hate it when the criminals get away. Launchpad, hurry with that patch."
Launchpad searched the supplies. "Uh, sorry, DW, but we don't have a patch."
"Darn it! Is the spare still there?"
"No, that isn't here, either."
"Okay. Blast it. We'll have to get the Rat-Catcher back to the hideout some other way later. For now, let's hide it." They hid it among some foliage. "I only hope that Bushroot doesn't decide to have this foliage destroy the Rat-Catcher. Now, we have to run."
"Run? We have to run?"
"I'm afraid so, LP. There is not a moment to lose." They jogged on the road's shoulder toward the inner city.
* * *
Liquidator's Water-Bottling Plant.
Quacker Jack said, "And then, I gave Darkwing Duck a flat with one of my sets of toy teeth! Oh, it was funny to see him fuming, his seeing us getting away!"
Mega Volt said, "Yeah! It was pretty amusing!"
Liquidator was 'taking a bath.' "Ha, ha, ha! He was probably definitely upset! Hee, hee, hee!" Bushroot entered.
Bushroot said, "Sorry to interrupt, guys, but Barracuda-Breath's back."
"Please, Bushie, don't refer to Angelfish like that! She's distributing my chemicals for me! Not that she would if she knew all of what she was doing, but what the heck? Ha, ha! Send her in." Bushroot left, then came back with Neptunia a few moments later.
Neptunia said, "I'm ready for more, Liquie."
"Okay, Neptunia. Just a quarter more of the chemicals will help the entire continent's sea-life to overcome the pollution being dumped into the sea."
"Then, that's what I'm ready for."
"Mega Volt, will you do the honours?"
Mega Volt said, "Certainly. This way, my dear Neptunia." Neptunia followed Mega Volt to the chemicals.
Liquidator said, "Shut the doors, please, Quacker Jack." Quacker Jack quietly shut the doors to the room. "Thank you. That fish is reeled in, QJ! Ha, ha! She does not know my plot fully. Oh, granted, those chemicals do clean up the water for sea life and help sea life, but they have a terrible side effect. You see, the chemicals make the water unsuitable for consumption by land-dwelling people. Therefore, everyone but you three will have to buy their bottled water from me! To you, my three pals, I'm giving the water away! And the people will be unable to simply go to another bottled water brand! Mega Volt and I shall fix the competition good!"
"Uh-huh!" said Bushroot.
Quacker Jack said, "Well, it's a good idea, Liquidator. Isn't it, Mr. Banana-brain?" Quacker Jack takes out his doll, Mr. Banana-brain, a half-peeled banana with arms and legs. 'Ventriliquising' to make it look like Mr. Banana-brain was speaking, Quacker Jack said in a falsetto voice, "Personally, I think that it's a stupid plan, man!" Quacker Jack used his normal voice. "Oooh! You have some respect the next time I ask you for your opinion, or you're going to see Mr. Trash Compactor. . . up extremely close!" He forced Mr. Banana-brain into his pocket. "Stuffed dolls nowadays! You cannot teach them any manners!" Mega Volt came back.
Mega Volt said, "She has the chemicals, and she has left, Liquidator."
"Ah, good," Liquidator said. "You know, for such a swell job she's doing for me, I really ought to give her something to thank her."
"How about a bomb, all wrapped up in a bow?" suggested Quacker Jack. "That would make me laugh! Ha, ha, ha!"
"You silly!"
"Well, thank you, Liquidator! Ha, ha!"
Mega Volt looked out the window. "Well, Liquie, I hate to interrupt your bath, but Dingbat Dimwit is here."
"Dimwit Dope? You can take care of him, Quackie and Megzie."
"Yes, Liquie."
Quacker Jack said, "Thank you, Liquidator. Let's go, Mega Volt." Quacker Jack and Mega Volt went down to greet Darkwing.
* * *
Launchpad said, "You take this one solo, DW. I'm so tired from running that I can't go another step."
"Oh, all right, LP," said Darkwing. "You find the nearest phone and call Gosalyn and Honker." Mega Volt and Quacker Jack emerged from the building.
Mega Volt asked, "Mind if we hold the door for you, Dimwing?"
"I'm not here to see you, Sparkie."
"DON'T CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!!" Mega Volt fired some wattage, which Darkwing evaded. Darkwing then found a water hose and used it to short-circuit Mega Volt. "Yaaah! I've been short-circuited!" DW then disappeared.
Quacker Jack asked, "Where'd Darkwing Duck go?"
From all around was heard Darkwing's voice in a ghostly manner. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares." DW appeared out of his smoke in front of Quacker Jack. "I am Darkwing Duck, and I'm here to put an end to your mad scheme, Chuckles!"
"Oooh, don't you dare call me that!" Darkwing took his Gas Gun out of his cape.
"Well, thou shalt chuckle, Quacker Jack!" Darkwing blasted Quacker with some laughing gas. Quacker Jack began laughing uncontrollably.
"Ha, ha, ha! I love laughing gas! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He got out a radio transmitter. "Liqui - ha, ha! - Liquidator! Ha, ha, ha! Please come - ha, ha! - in! Ha, ha, ha!"
Liquidator asked, "What is it, Quacker Jack?"
"Ha, ha, ha! Dark - ha, ha, ha! - Darkwing Duck is - ha, ha, ha, ha! - is out here, and he's shot me with some - ha, ha, ha, ha! - with some laughing gas! Ha, ha, ha! He - ha, ha, ha! - has also short-circuited Megzie! Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
"Oh, drat that blasted duck! At least Neptunia is due back in a few minutes. Liquie out."
"Quacker Jack over and - ha, ha, ha! - out! Ha, ha, ha!" In moments, Liquidator and Bushroot were at the door.
Liquidator greeted, "Hello, Dipwing!"
Darkwing said, "Howdy, Liquidator and Melon-head!"
Bushroot said, "DON'T CALL ME 'MELON-HEAD'!!!" Before Bushroot could react, Darkwing blasted him with some weed-killer gas. "Hack, hack, hack! I hate weed-killing gas! Hack, hack!" Bushroot was knocked out by the gas.
"Ready to give up, Waterhead?" inquired Darkwing.
Liquidator said, "No, Liquidator; don't lose your temper; that's what got your pals; just relax; there! Prepare for liquidation, Darkmeat Dope!" Liquidator washed Darkwing down the street. "This is what happens to those who compete with the Flood Crystal-Pure Bottled Water Company! Don't let it happen to you!" Neptunia came.
"Hey!" said Neptunia. "What's going on here?"
"Our pal, DW, came along, thinking for some odd reason that the water was polluted."
"Well, if he comes along again, let me deal with him if it's possible. Okay, Liquie?"
"Okay, Neptunia."
"By the way, I'm ready for the rest of those chemicals, Liquidator." Gosalyn and Honker ran up.
"No, Neptunia!" said Gosalyn.
Neptunia said, "What? Oh, don't you work with Darkwing, Gosalyn?"
"That's right, ma'am," said Honker. "Listen to this tape recording from a device which Darkwing planted in the building."
Liquidator said, "What?!? No!" Honker activated the tape recorder. The tape had the following: Liquidator: "That fish is reeled in, QJ! Ha, ha! She does not know my plot fully. Oh, granted, those chemicals do clean up the water for sea life and help sea life, but they have a terrible side effect. You see, the chemicals make the water unsuitable for consumption by land-dwelling people. Therefore, everyone but you three will have to buy their bottled water from me! To you, my three pals, I'm giving the water away! And the people will be unable to simply go to another bottled water brand! Mega Volt and I shall fix the competition good!"
Bushroot: "Uh-huh!"
Quacker: "Well, it's a good idea, Liquidator." Neptunia was quite angry. "I've been played for a sap!"
Liquidator said, "You don't understand! It's. . ."
Darkwing appeared out of smoke. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the weak link in the chain of crime. I am Darkwing Duck, and you are through, Liquidator."
"Neptunia, Darkwing Duck is somehow trying to trick you," said Liquidator. "He. . ."
"I never should have believed you, you watery liar!" Neptunia shouted angrily. "If you think you're going to trick me again, you'd better think again!"
"No! No! No! Curse you, Darkwing Duck!! Curse you and your two helping brats!"
Darkwing said, "Since he tricked you, Neptunia, you may do the honours."
"Thanks, Darkwing." She leapt into Liquidator and spun him out.
"Now, evildoer, suck pudding!" Darkwing blasted Liquidator with a pudding capsule from his Gas Gun after Neptunia had left his body. When it hit Liquidator, it turned him into pudding.
Liquidator said, "Oh, yuck! We're getting out of here." Water from the same hose that Darkwing had used to short-circuit Mega Volt washed away Liquidator, Quacker Jack, Mega Volt, and Bushroot. "See you around, Darkwing Duck!"
With both fists clenched, Darkwing said, "See you later, Liquie."
* * *
Darkwing Tower.
Neptunia said, "I don't know what to say, Darkwing! I'm really sorry."
"That's okay, Neptunia," Darkwing said. "That Liquidator has always had a way of getting people to buy into his schemes. I was surprised that he got those other three members of the Fearsome Five to work with him."
"Well, I won't be a part of any more of his schemes."
"I'm glad. You two showed up in time, Gosalyn and Honker. I guess that we owe this to you."
Gosalyn said, "Thank you, Darkwing."
"Thanks, sir," said Honker.
Neptunia said, "Well, I've got to get to sea. I have to tell my sea creatures to get rid of those chemicals before they hurt anyone."
"Okay," Darkwing said. "Good-bye, Neptunia."
"See y'around, guys!" She leapt out the window and into the sea.
"Well, thanks to the famed crime-fighter, Darkwing Duck, and his pals, all is safe, and the city can sleep safely tonight, knowing that Darkwing Duck and friends will be keeping watch over them. By the way, I might as well have a date with Morganna while I'm at it."