December 19.

            "Be careful around that damn witch," said Mega Volt.  "She really sent my sparks a-fire once when I tried to get her to join F.O.W.L."

            "What about my racing evaluation?" asked Negaduck.

            "Get that witch after we do the evaluations," said Ludwig.

            "Yes, my treacherous emperor of evil," said Negaduck.  "Your wish is my command."

            "Good," said Ludwig.  "Now, let's find out who of our members is incapable to be in this race."  Ludwig got a sheet of paper and a pencil and started writing something.  "Let's see. . . there am I, because I am the main leader, and the main leader is not allowed to be in the race.  I hope that Steelheart kept her part of the bargain by staying out of her group's evaluations.  Anyway, we shall not break our part of the bargain, even if the N-Team broke its. . . which I doubt."  He wrote his name on the sheet of paper.  "Now, MotherBrain, call the following in here for a conference:  Mumm-ra; Don Karnage; and my father, King Bowser Koopa."  In a few minutes, the mentioned three were in the Control Room of Metroid.  "Okay, my evil friends, I need to know something.  Who among your evil groups is or are unqualified to participate in this race?"

            Mon*Star said, "Well, I wouldn't know.  No one of whom I would know would be immediately disqualified."

            Mumm-ra had come transformed.  He said, "Well, maybe that blasted. . ."  All the Luna-tacks marched into the room.

            "Disqualify me because I'm short," screamed Luna, "and you will no longer have any of those slimy bandages holding you together!  I have a zippy little vehicle."

            "All right, all right, I shall not have you disqualified, my evil little witch," said Mumm-ra.

            "Ah!  You're so kind to me, venturing upon so accurately disgusting remarks!" said Luna in delight with not even the slightest trace of sarcasm.

            "No one in my group would be disqualified, Ludwig," said Mumm-ra.

            "Well, my treacherous stepson," said the villainous Queen MotherBrain Koopa, "I know a certain vegetable and boxer who might be disqualified. . . unless they can get their act together and stop fighting all of the time!  Know you of anyone who might be disqualified from our group, my slimy, evil, nasty, repulsive husband?"

            "Such flattery!" said Bowser, obviously (no, really - not facetiously) flattered.  "Well, my dear, detestable brain, I know of no one else, unless a certain stupo-serpent cannot control his darn fire and a certain rodent cannot control his blasted bombs!"

            "Okay," said Ludwig, "and your group, Negaduck and Liquidator?"

            "No one," said Negaduck, "no one."

            "I agree," said Liquidator.

            "Unless those two idiots of mine are more stupid than my illustrious self thinks," said Don Karnage, "I am sure that no one on my portion of the team will be disqualified."

            "That is good; I am the only one disqualified," said Ludwig.  "All right, my wicked compatriots.  Get yourselves and your amigos ready for racing.  I want a good showing out there on that Bedlama racetrack today.  And, most of all, I do not want anyone to GOOF UP!!  That includes you two, Eggplant and Hippo.  I want just a good, clean race.  Anyone who messes up or cheats will be cleaning this entire planet with only their tongues.  Got that?  Do not go so fast that you will be bumping into everything.  A smarter racer is preferable to a racer who keeps his foot on the accelerator all of the time.  And do not use the vehicles with automatic transmissions!!  Use the vehicles with manual transmissions.  Okay, guys, you have what I want you to do.  Now, get out there, and do what I asked you to do.  No one's going to kill you if you do not win.  Someone is going to kill you, though, if you goof off, or at least give you hell if you goof off.  Liquidator, as soon as you're ready, supervise everyone else.  Same for you, Mon*Star and Dad."

            "What will you do, my treacherous son?" asked King Bowser.

            "I?  I know not.  Maybe I shall telephone the N-Team," said Ludwig.  "Just get ready for the race, please."

            "You have it," said Bowser.  Everyone but Prince Ludwig 'Kooky' von(Bowser)Koopa left the room.

            "Now, I believe that I shall call the N-Team," said Ludwig.  He went over to his computer.

            * * *

            Command Centre, Hawkhaven.

            Lieutenant Steelwill was in an unusually bad mood at the moment, and he could not understand it.  He was thinking of asking for some time off when Ludwig's voice came from his console, the communications console, and said, "This is Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa to Hawkhaven.  Respond, please."

            Damn it; what does he want? Steelwill asked himself.  He turned on the visual communicator.  "What the devil do you want, von(Bowser)Koopa?"

            "Well!" said Ludwig.  "Aren't we in a bad mood this day, Lieutenant!"

            "It's none of your darn business, creep!" exploded Steelwill.

            "I'm an understanding villain, Steelwill," said Ludwig kindly.  "What's wrong?"

            "I told you," said Steelwill, "that it is none of your damn business!!"

            "Well, then, I ought to call up your mother and tell her that you've been using foul language, Lieutenant Steelwill."

            "Why the hell would you do a damn thing like that?"

            "It is my honest opinion that, since your sister does not like such language, the art of detesting such language was rubbed off on her by her mother.  Now, it follows that, if your mother does not like such language,. . ."

            "Get to the blasted point!"

            "I was just getting to that.  Anyway, if your mother does not like such language, she is liable to call your sister.  If your sister obtains that information, she's liable to. . ."

            "Enough already!  I know what that sister of mine would be going to do!"

            "So, you ought not to be using such language, eh?"

            "I guess not, but I can't help it."

            "Why do you not tell me your problem?"

            "Because you're no psychologist or psychiatrist!"

            "Very well.  Then consult one."

            "There's no one I know who is a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist."

            "Well, according to my records, there is. . . at least, there is one in training."

            "Oh, yeah?  Who?"

            "You know this lady.  She's among the people whom you met right before the Mob and the Mutants dreamed the idea of that universal time-bomb in Automata."

            "You must be nuts!  Give me a break!"

            "To be more specific," said Ludwig, acting as if there had been no interruption by Steelwill, "this lady is empathic.  Being empathic is a form of something you have, extra-sensory perception."

            "You are out of your blasted mind!" yelled Steelwill.

            "Well, why do you not ask her?"

            "I shall!  Whom did you desire to torture, other than me?"

            "I want to confer with Steelheart, your very beautiful, very nice, and very intelligent sister."

            "What the. . . hell, no!"

            "Well, Steelwill, I may call her up personally and tell her that I wanted to speak with her, but that I could not because of her half-wit brother cussing me out and cutting off my communication!  She may have wished to speak with me!  She cannot contact me while Metroid is cloaked.  Then, what she'll do to you will probably be. . ."

            "All right, all right!  I'll tell her!  Just keep your pants on!  Gee whiz!  My, but you're persistent!"

            "Go get her, please.  And, no, I'm not waiting forever to see her!  Besides, I need no pants; my private parts are well concealed within my shell."

            "All right, darn you, I'm going!"  Steelwill got up.

            "Oh, and try being polite.  Ladies are suckers for politeness."

            "Shut up," said Steelwill, leaving his console to Steelheart's office.  When he got there, he knocked.

            "Who's there?" asked Steelheart.

            "It's I, Lieutenant Steelwill," answered Steelwill.

            "Come in," said Steelheart.  Steelwill came in.  "Ah, Will.  Have a seat, if you do not mind."  Steelwill went over to the chair in front of Steelheart.  "What is it, my brother?"

            "Someone wants to speak with you."

            "Who?" said Steelheart.

            "Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa."

            "Okay, I'm coming.  Keep an eye on the office, Stargazer."

            "Yes, ma'am," said Stargazer.  Steelheart and Will left the office to Steelwill's console.

            Ludwig said, "Ah, I'm glad that you were convinced to bring your good sister all the way out here from her comfy office to your dull Command Centre just to see me. . . and upon my own request as well!"

            "Yeah, right," said Steelwill.

            "You may go, Steelwill," said Ludwig.  "No one's forcing you to stay."

            "Have I your permission to make like a tree and leave, Steelheart?"

            "Just do not get into trouble, brother," joked Steelheart.

            "-Sigh.-  Thanks," said Steelwill, entering the elevator.  He did not need that remark, even though it was a joke.  He knew something was wrong because just about everything was annoying him.  He went all the way down to the hangar and entered the warp zone to Cat's Lair, where Lion-O was conversing with Kevin.

            ". . .so, that's been your basic trouble all along?" asked Lion-O.

            "Yes, Lion-O," said Kevin.  "I cannot seem to get rid of that mad brain or that crazy brat only half a year older than I am."

            "Better not mention that around him, Kevin," said Steelwill.  "He might get mad."

            "He's already mad!" said Kevin, as though Steelwill had been there all along.  "As in loony, anyway.  By the way, you'd better not call him mad while he's around.  He hates being described with that word.  'Loony' he'll take, and 'crazy,' but not 'mad.' "

            "What is it, Steelwill?" asked Lion-O.  "Looking for someone?"

            "Yes," replied Steelwill, "as a matter of fact; I am looking for Cheetara.  May I inquire as to where she is?"

            "She's probably at the Palace of Power," said Lion-O.  "She's brushing up on some stuff."

            "Thank you," said Steelwill.  He left through a warp zone to the Palace of Power and went to the first of the several 'class floors.'  He finally arrived on the seventh 'class floor,' which had study rooms, where he found the room in which Cheetara was finishing her studies on psychology.  When he (Steelwill) reached the door concealing the room in which she (Cheetara) was, an unobtrusive signal alerted her.

            "Come," said Cheetara when the signal was made.  Steelwill entered.  She was studying from a device that was similar to a laptop computer but was connected by certain radio and infrared signals to a main computer somewhere in the Palace.  After she looked up and saw Steelwill, she switched off the computer.  "Well, hello, Steelwill.  What is it?"  Steelwill pulled up a chair and sat down in it across from Cheetara.

            "Well, Cheetara," said Steelwill, "that Ludwig called me and said that a certain person whom I met prior to the Mob's and Plundarrians' setting a bomb in Automata was studying psychology and psychiatry to become a psychologist."

            Cheetara said, "She is doing it upon her good leader's request, nonetheless.  Also of her own volition; she is happy to be doing it.  Well, if you thought that the putrid little rat was talking about me, you have made a pretty darn good guess."

            Steelwill began, "Well, I. . ."

            "In fact," interrupted Cheetara, "I have recently discovered that I am empathic, along with my other extra-sensory perception powers."

            "Yes," said Steelwill, "and I was wondering if you would help me with a problem I've been having."

            "Well," said Cheetara, "a successful counselling session with one person is all I need to get my licence to practise psychology.  I was just getting ready to head over to the office of someone belonging to the licensing agency and inquire right now."

            "Who," asked Steelwill, "will be your 'examining officer'?"

            Cheetara said, "I know one person who it might be:  Paul Drake, Sr."

            "That guy's a detective, a driver's licence officer, and a psychology examiner?  Oh, boy does he have all of his hands full!" exclaimed Steelwill.

            Cheetara checked her watch.  "In fact, if we hurry, we just might catch him!"

            She grabbed his arm and all but flew out of the room.  "Yaah!"  Yes, they cleared the door safely.  Cheetara ran, still with a death-grip on Steelwill's arm, to the elevator and set it for the floor with Drake's office and Mason's.  "What the devil was the idea?  Were you trying to give me a darn heart attack?"

            "Sorry," said Cheetara.  "Old habits are hard to break."

            "How about we maybe try to go a little slower when we get out, please?" begged Steelwill.

            "Yes, Steelwill," said Cheetara.  "I'll try."

            "Thanks," said Steelwill.  They got out when the elevator stopped and walked quickly to the door to the office of Paul Drake and Paul Drake.  Cheetara opened the door and walked up to the reception desk.  No one was in the reception room except the Drakes' receptionist behind the desk.

            Cheetara politely said, "Ma'am, would you mind asking Mr. Paul Drake, Sr., if I, Cheetara, could see him?  I came with Lt. Steelwill."

            The receptionist said, "Yes, ma'am.  Please have a seat for the moment."  In Drake's office, Drake and Mason were talking about a previous case in which they helped Hamilton Burger convict the defendant, who just happened to be guilty (no, Mason was not the defence attorney in that case).

            "Well," said Mason, "Burger sure was happy when we handed over that convincingly convicting evidence."

            "I'll say," said Drake.  "It was almost enough for me to break even with that damned Tragg.  It was ten times enough for me to break even with both Anderson and Drumm."  The phone on his desk and connected to the switchboard rang.  Paul answered it.  "Yes? . . . Okay, send them on in."  Drake hung up.

            "Who?" asked Mason.

            "Cheetara and Steelwill."

            Mason mockingly said, "Well, well.  A speedy kitty and a strong bird.  Lovely couple.  One would probably eat the other."

            "I don't think they're here about marriage licences or anything, Perry!" said Drake.  After that, Cheetara and Steelwill came in.  Drake pointed to a sign on his wall.  "You may notice, Cheetara," said Drake, "that I generally do not like anyone moving anywhere over twenty kilometres per hour in here."  Cheetara glanced at the sign.

            "Your sign appears readily enough, Mr. Drake," said Cheetara.

            "Perry, please get up and give the good lady a seat," said Drake.

            Mason got up out of the seat in which he was sitting.  "Gladly, Paul," said Mason.  Cheetara sat in the seat.

            "Thank you, Mr. Mason," Cheetara said.  "Good day, Mr. Drake."

            "Hello, Cheetara.  Is there anything I can do for you?" asked Drake.

            "Yes," said Cheetara.  "When I was around Kevin's age, I finished an extremely extensive course in psychology and psychiatry.  Recently, in one of the study chambers, I took a few refreshers on one of the computers in one of the study rooms."

            "And I suppose that, now, you want a licence to practise psychology, right?"

            "Right."

            "Find someone with as minor or major a problem as you can handle and help that person deal with it.  Then, when they're satisfied, I'll give you a licence."  Drake activated one of the same types of laptop computers on his desk and checked his records.  "Here you are.  Since the Psychology and Psychiatry I through IV refreshers are among your credits, - and those are harder than the real courses - I can let you do the practice session."  He removed from his desk a piece of paper and handed it to Cheetara.  "Fill this out," said Drake, "so I can let you do your practice session."  Cheetara filled out the sheet of paper and handed it back to Paul Drake.  "Good lady.  Now, if you cannot find someone, I'll program something into one of these laptops for you to use in doing the practice session."

            "That's okay," said Cheetara.  "I already have a request."  A certain soppy villain came out of the water fountain!

            "Well, well, well!" said Liquidator.  "I see that you want to become a shrink, Cheetara!  You're going to have to work awfully hard!  I hope you do not cheat on this test!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "I would never cheat on anything, Liquidator!" said Cheetara, aghast that anyone would mention such a despicable thing.

            "Aw, c'mon!  I was only joking."

            "What the hell are you doing here, Waterhead?" demanded Steelwill.

            "I was just paying a little visit, Lieutenant Steelwill," said Liquidator.  "I see that you are not in the best of moods today.  Tsk, tsk, tsk!  Too bad!  Oh!  And, by the way, don't call me 'Waterhead.'  I absolutely despise it."

            "I don't care if you love it!" snapped Steelwill.  "What about the Brain-Team's side of the race?"

            "Oh, the cloaked Metroid will be at Bedlama shortly," said Liquidator.

            "How did you get here?" asked Cheetara.

            Liquidator explained, "Well, my dear Thunder Kitten, I merely switched my control from my main body, which is on Metroid, to water in Paul Drake's water fountain.  As you can see, I'm right here, as real as a rock."  Turning to Drake, Liquie said, "Well, Drake, if Mason won in the top fifteen, why did you not do so?"

            "Because at least I have some decent regard for the local speed laws!" said Drake.

            "How did Kevin win?" asked Liquidator.

            Mason said proudly, "He won through proper control of the clutch in a vehicle with a manual transmission."

            "Since when is it any of your business?" snapped Drake.  "And get out of here before I call security!"

            "Oh, you quack!" said Liquidator.  "Get it?  Quack - your last name?"

            "I get it," said Drake.  He activated a radio transmitter on his desk.  "This is Paul Drake, Sr., to security.  There's an unwelcome blob of water in here.  I would like him extricated."  As soon as he cut the transmission, Captain N, Kid Icarus, and MegaMan warped into the room.  "Wow!  Talk about damn-good service!"

            "All right, Liquie," said Captain N, "it's time for you to go to the cooler!"  Kevin blasted Liquidator with an Ice Ray from his (Kevin's) Zapper.

            "I was getting tired of this joint, anyway," said Liquidator, frozen.  "It's time I got back to Metroid."

            "Too bad you cannot do that, Liquidator," said MegaMan.  "You're too mega-frozen to do that!"

            Liquidator said, "Yeah?  Watch me, titanium-man!"  The personality disappeared from the frozen chunk of water.  Liquidator had escaped to warmer turf on Metroid.

            "That Liquidator," said Kid Icarus, "is slipp-ricus maximus!"

            "Yeah," said MegaMan.  "That nut has a watery screw mega-loose."  The private phone on Drake's desk rang.  "Uh, oh!  What is that?"

            "Do not worry," said Drake.  "That's my private phone.  Only two people know its number:  Perry Mason and Della Street."  Drake picked up the phone and answered, "Hello, Della? . . .Yes, this is Paul.  What's up? . . . Yes, he's here.  Just a minute."  Drake pressed the mute button.  "Della wants to speak with you, Perry."

            "Okay," said Mason.  Mason took the receiver from Drake and pressed the mute button.  "Hi, Della.  What's burning? . . . I see.  I'll be down there right away.  Good-bye."  Mason handed the receiver back to Drake, who put it back on the hook.  "I have to go back to my office, Paul.  See you later."

            "Good-bye, Perry!" said Drake.  Mason left.  "Well, Cheetara, I suggest you get going," said Drake.  "That temporary permit does not last long."

            "What kind of permit?" asked Kevin.

            "A permit," said Drake, "to practise psychology for a short period of time as a test.  She has to help one person out of his or her psychological problem psychologically by the first day of 1993."

            "Well," said Captain N, "it is now le 19 décembre, 1992 {luh déz-neuhf dáy-thahⁿh-bruh, déz-neuhf-thahⁿh-kah-truh-vehⁿh-dúz} [French] (19 December 1992).  In case you do not understand French, Cheetara, that's. . ."

            "Literally translated," interrupted Cheetara, "it's nineteen December nineteen hundred ninety-two�.  Right?"  [� - The author realises that dates are properly written with figures instead of words.  Writing out the words is intended to show directly how Cheetara states the date.]

            "That's right," said Kevin.  "When did you study French?"

            "I studied it over the last day on a computer in one of the study rooms of this palace.  I have learned a lot in the past few hours alone. . . verb conjugations for one thing.  Well, anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to work.  I'll see all of you later."  She left.  She then reopened the door, looked in, and said, "If you need my assistance, Steelwill, you'd better come along."

            "You don't have to advertise it, you know," said Steelwill.  Steelwill left with Cheetara.

            "I think," said Drake, "that he would not be with her at the moment unless he had a problem requiring a psychologist."

            "Right.  I would not think," said Kevin, "that a cat and a bird would hit it off too well."  He suddenly thought about his crazy feelings for Wilykit. . . a cat and a human.  (Of course, she was more like a human than like a cat.)  What was he thinking?

            "Now, no more gossiping, at least not in my office," said Drake.  "If you want to gossip, go see Perry.  He and Della are always talking about Tragg, Burger, Malanski, my son, me, and everyone else."

            "You have it," said Kevin.  "Steelheart's having a meeting in her office with that diabolical fiend, Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa himself.  I think that I ought to be there, in order to keep things in order."

            "Okay," said Drake.  "Bring me back a burger when you're through!"

            "Enough of the puns!" said Kevin.  "Especially the bad ones!"

            "I'll see as to the safety of Cheetara as she does her psychological test, Captain N," said MegaMan.

            Kid Icarus said, "And I'll make sure that no villain disturbs Perry Mason-icus without me alerting Mason as to the person's presence.  If Lieutenant Tragg approaches Mason's office-icus, I'll make Mason's phone ring like craz-icus!"

            "Okay-icus . . . I mean okay!" said Kevin.  "Pardon me.  Well, my friends, let's get to it."  The three left.

            * * *

            Steelheart's Office, Hawkhaven.

            Back in Hawkhaven, in Steelheart's office, Kevin arrived.  "Hello, Kevin," said Steelheart.  "I'm glad you could make it."

            "Well, so am I," said Kevin.  "Has he been here yet?"

            "No, he has not," said Steelheart.  "He's still. . ."  An alarm sounded.  "Uh, oh."  She activated the viewscreen.  Metroid decloaked above Bedlama.  A warp opened in the office.  Ludwig emerged.

            "Good afternoon, Steelheart and Kevin," said Ludwig.  "Thank you for inviting me."

            "You're welcome," answered Steelheart.  "Please be seated."  Kevin sat down on the couch along the left wall of the room while Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa sat in the chair across from Steelheart, who was sitting at her desk, which was along the front ("upper" would be more appropriate if the room had any slant to the floor and the lowest area was at the door, the highest at the front wall) wall of the room.  Three knocks hit the door.  "Come in."  The Wilytwins entered.  "Well, hello, Thunder Kittens."

            "Hi, Steelheart," said Wilykit.

            "Do you want to join us?"

            "Will you let us?"

            "Do you have Lion-O's permission?"

            "Yes, we do."

            "All right.  Come on in."  Steelheart got up as Wilykat closed the door.  Steelheart opened the door of a closet and removed two chairs.  She put them near the couch.  "Have a seat, guys."  The Thunder Kittens sat in the chairs as Steelheart sat in her own chair.

            Ludwig got a radio out of his shell.  "Liquidator," said Ludwig, "recloak Metroid!"  Metroid re-cloaked.

            Steelheart said, "All right, lady and gentlemen, this meeting has been called to establish the assurance that neither group has motive to do anything dishonest in this race other than to win and to set what happens when one wins the long race ahead.  In other words, if my team wins, you will have to do something for my group.  If your team wins, Ludwig, we will have to do something for your group."

            Ludwig said, "That's fair."

            "I agree," said Kevin.

            "I tell you what, Steelheart," said Ludwig.  "If your group wins, my team and I shall relinquish our terror on Limbo, third-Earth, the Kingdom of the Mushroom World, the Kingdom of VideoLand, and Saint Canard for Christmas Week.  If my group wins, you will relinquish your 'attacks' on Brim*Star, the Pyramid, Sky Tomb, Castle Plundarr, the Kingdom of Koopa of the Kingdom of the Mushroom World, and the Planet Metroid for that period.  Is it a deal?"

            "Not bad," said Steelheart, deep in thought.  "Anything else?"

            Ludwig said, "I know of an honestly earned sum of 159 million 450 thousand VideoLand pesetas floating around in my vault on Metroid, the VideoLand pesetas being in a condition as such for which I would have no further use.  They can be divided into fifteen parts, each part for one of the fifteen competing members of the winning team."

            "How much is that in dollars?" asked Steelheart.

            "One VideoLand peseta," said Ludwig, "is equal in value to which a Spanish peseta was found to be approximately equal on 7 October 1991."

            Steelheart said, "So, one Limbo dollar would be equal to 106.30 pesetas, so. . . oh, my goodness!  One million, five hundred thousand dollars?  Divided by 15, that would make L$100 000 per member for the winning team.  That is an H of a lot of money!"

            "Please," said Ludwig, "if you are going to say a word, why not say it instead of using the first letter?  I may not be too fond of the words myself, but it feels a little better when I say it out.  That way, the word is no longer inside me.  Besides, using such words can help get a lot out of one's system.  Still, I do not use them too often."

            Kevin said, "If she believed in physical punishment, my mom might skin me alive if she ever heard one of those words pass through my lips!"

            "Oh, one of the more old-fashioned mothers!" remarked Steelheart.

            "Oh, she definitely is not," said Kevin, "but, as it appears, we both come from Earth, but at different time periods.  In the present time on your Earth, it's the thirtieth century; in the present time on my Earth, it's the twentieth century."

            "Ah, yes," said Steelheart, "in the time period of a certain president�!  Thanks to him, the economy of the United States eventually fell apart uncontrollably near the end of the 21st century and, at the year 2101, that blasted World War III developed!  I tell you, if that damned high international debt had not gotten so blasted high in the first place, the stupid World War III would not have developed!  I thank the Lord a thousand times for letting that planet stay in one piece.  I mean, that's the only explanation for which Europe was willing to unify and stop the darn war before it did destroy the world. . . literally!"  [� - The author makes no reference to any president that has existed.  The pres in this story is purely fictitious.]

            "Wait a minute," said Kevin.  "How do you recall all of this stuff?"

            "Well," said Steelheart, "in January 2098, a French scientist named Jean-François Benoit {zhahⁿh-frahⁿh-swah buh-nwah} discovered the key to making the advanced computer devices similar to those that you, Kevin, probably saw on the Star Trek series, only these computers were a little less advanced, seeing as how they were a swift job.  They made keeping up with historical facts ten thousand times easier than the way to which you are accustomed:  keeping things written down in books.  They revolutionised the entire world because of their low power requirement and high capacity of memory and operations.

            "When it was discovered how resourceful and handy those things were, one's entire high school curriculum could be programmed into that computer, and one could move along at one's own pace, instead of moving at a teacher's pace.  That did not get rid of the teachers, however, for several students cannot work without the aid of a real, live human being standing up there and demonstrating, say, playing a violin, something I also happen to do.

            "One of this computer type's most useful applications is in learning other languages.  The device has sophisticated microphones that are remarkably more acutely tuned to the sound of your voice than a human's ear.  Its user-friendliness is very good.  It has helped me to learn several languages.  Since the creation of the United Republic of the Continent of Europe, knowing several languages is even more of a necessity now than it was back in the twentieth century, though there are several main languages of Europe, the most predominant languages being, in order, English, French, German, Italian, and Spanish.  People have succeeded mostly in making Latin a spoken language once more.

            "Anyway, whether I went off on a trigonometric tangent or a tangent as in a line touching a curve at only one point, I did go off on a tangent.  And I think that I had your answer mingled somewhere in there, Kevin.  In case you did not comprehend - which was my fault - or I did not stick it into the sentences, it was that the ST-TNG-type computers were invented by a French scientist in the latter twenty-first century for an easier way of inputting commands into a computer and interacting with it.  Everything was transferred from all of the most advanced English, science, social studies, mathematics, foreign language, and vocational information on file into these computers, and it made the United States jump from one of the lower-scoring countries of the world in academics to one of the highest.  This leap occurred about 2296, and the present scores are staying the same, if not increasing, during this long time period."

            "I see," said Kevin.

            "In a few moments," said Ludwig, "the Brain-Team will descend to Bedlama and begin their testing.  Want to watch?"

            "Yes, please," said Steelheart.

            "Yes, please," said Kevin.

            "Okay, Steelheart and Captain N."  Ludwig set a frequency on the monitor.  On it, it was shown that Metroid was above Bedlama.  "My friends, Liquidator and MotherBrain, are getting my other friends, my idiots, and everyone else's idiots in line for this race as we speak.  They will call me as soon as everything is ready."

            Ludwig's radio activated automatically.  Liquidator's voice emerged, saying, "This is Liquidator calling Ludwig.  Over."

            "What is the code?" asked Ludwig.

            Liquidator recited the following like a hot knife would go through butter:  "The violent violin's volume caused veritable vexation to very vain vampire-hunters."

            "Excellent.  Now, Liquidator, why did you call me?"

            "Because," responded Liquidator, "we are ready."

            "Good!" said Ludwig.  "Disengage the cloaking device.  Then, go to Bedlama."

            Liquidator responded, "Yes, Prince von(Bowser)Koopa!  Liquidator out."  On the viewscreen, Metroid melted into view.

            " 'The violent violin's volume caused veritable vexation to very vain vampire-hunters.'  Do I correctly perceive that this alliterative statement is based on Simon Belmont?" asked Wilykit.

            "Why, yes, Wilykit," said Ludwig.  "He is more vain than MotherBrain and my sister Wendy.  Well, we should be seeing my pals in a few minutes.  Can we magnify Bedlama so that we can see the starting line?"

            Steelheart said, "Yes, Ludwig."  With the controls at her desk, Steelheart adjusted the picture on the screen so that the line was seen.

            "All right!" said Ludwig.  "Now we're cooking!"

            "Now that we're ready," said Kevin, "what's going to happen?"

            "Well," said Ludwig, "we're going to watch my other friends, my idiots, and my friends' idiots race.  I'm the only one disqualified, though we seriously considered omitting Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, Mouser, Try-Clyde, and some others.  Let's converse before this thing starts.  Anyone got a suggestion?"

            "I understand that multi-linguality is necessary for successful communication throughout VideoLand.  Can you believe," asked Steelheart, "that Link and Zelda know no Spanish?"

            Ludwig thought for a few moments, formulating his answer.  "Well, come to think of it," said Ludwig, "I do.  You see, during its developmental stages, when it was merely a group of feudal kingdoms, Hyrule had several languages:  Hylian, Hyrulian, Midorian, and several others, languages in categories to which we would refer as Germanic and Romance.  Before the Link that ventured into the Dark World of Hyrule, saved the seven maidens in the crystal cocoons, and defeated Ganon was born, the languages became English, German, French, Spanish, and Italian, due to very strong MegaLandian influence, which affected the whole of VideoLand.  The only problem was that one king was only able to understand German and English, so he decreed German and English as the official languages, making people in their kingdom learn English or German or not talk at all.  Very silly, if thou askest me!  The father of the present Princess Zelda passed a law saying that people could speak any languages which they chose, so the people of Hyrule have been coming to the Palace to relearn their other original languages, especially French, Spanish, and Italian.  Does that explain it for you, Steelheart?"

            "Yes," said Steelheart, "I guess it does.  Really, I've only started studying Hyrulian history."

            "I think that you may find it to be extremely interesting," said Ludwig.  "Unless book-writers take off large chunks of the history of Hyrule or edit like mad, there's no way to detract from the interest of Hyrulian history."

            Liquidator's voice came in over the radio again.  "This is Liquidator to Ludwig," said Liquidator.

            "What's up?"

            Liquidator said, "We're down here, and we're ready to start up."

            "Good," said Ludwig.  "Good luck, my friend!"

            "Thank you very much, sir!" responded Liquidator.

            "Don't mention it," said Ludwig.  "I'm watching!"

            "I know," said Liquidator.  "Talk to you later!"

            "See you later, Liquie," said Ludwig, who afterwards cut the transmission.  "Let's sit back and watch."  Ludwig, in a position in which he could easily look at the screen, sat back comfortably in his chair.