Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

On the world of Metroid, the Thunder Kittens arrived with Darkwing in a conduit in Tourian.  They crawled toward the control chamber in the following order:  Wilykit, Wilykat, Darkwing.  "Whew, it sure is hot in here!" complained Wilykat.

            "That had better not be an excuse to leave!" said Darkwing.

            "It's not!  I'm just making an observation!  You did drag me here for observations, didn't you?"

            "Yes, but some observations are more annoying than others.  Get me?"

            "Gotcha."

            Wilykit sniffed the air.  "What an awful stink!  That putrid odour must be coming from the control chamber.  It smells like Bushroot's stinkweed!"

            Darkwing sniffed the air.  "Peyew, you're right!  That can only be Melon-head himself.  Follow that stink!"

            "Yes, Wingie," said Wilykit.

            "What about that observation?" snapped Wilykat.  "Didn't that annoy you?"

            "That was a helpful observation, my dear Wilykat!" said Darkwing.  "It was a lead."

            "All right," said Wilykat.

            They soon arrived in a ventilation shaft above the control chamber.  "I think we're here!" said Wilykit.  She looked around.  "Well, I'll be beat if the room with MotherBrain, the whole Fearsome Five, and Ludwig is not the control room."

            "Good tracking, Wilykit," said Darkwing.  "Let's listen in."

            "This is 19 December 1992," said Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa in the control chamber.  "We are definitely well ahead of schedule."

            "Yes, I would agree on that," said Mega Volt.  "How about you, Melon-head?"

            Bushroot exclaimed, "Oooh, I hate it when people are so unkind to me as to call me Melon-head!!"  Bushroot grew plants from the floor to grab Mega Volt by the arms.  "Don't you hate it when people call you Sparkie?"

            "You call me 'Sparkie,' " Mega Volt shouted, his plugs lighting, "and I'll call you a microwave dinner!"  Mega Volt fried Bushroot with a beam from his plug-helmet.  "Get it, Bushroot?!?"

            "Mega Volt," said Liquidator, "for whom in the Fearsome Five don't you have it in?"

            "I don't have it in for anyone on our team, Liquidator!" shouted Mega Volt.  "I just hate it when people call me 'Sparkie'!!!  It drives me out of my mind!"

            "Well, you started it, Mega Ohm!" said Bushroot in a 'nyah, nyah, nyah' voice.  "You called me 'Melon-head'!"

            "So, that's no damn excuse for your calling me 'Sparkie'!" said Mega Volt.  "Your temper got too short!"

            Bushroot continued his taunting by saying, "Well, look who's talking:  the Wattanardo da Vinci of the atom-long temper set!"

            Mega Volt exploded, "Oooh!!!  All right, Bushie, don't say anything in that way to me for the next few hours, or I know what fresh veggie is going to be on the dinner table for me tomorrow night!!!"  Mega Volt stormed out of the room.

            "You, know, Bushroot," said Quacker Jack, "you really shouldn't get on Sparkie's bad side."

            From the corridor by which Mega Volt left, they heard Mega Volt's voice screaming, "DON'T CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!!!!"  A beam of electricity headed into the room, after Quacker Jack.  Quacker Jack tried to run, but he got shocked before he moved.  "GOT THAT, CHUCKLES?!?"

            "DON'T CALL ME 'CHUCKLES' ANYMORE, MEGA VOLT!!!" shouted Quacker Jack, who, like neither Mega Volt nor Bushroot, sent no weapons to hurt Mega Volt.  "Boy, does he have a foul temper!"

            "You don't know how foul it can get!" said Negaduck.  "He evaporated Waterhead for calling him that.  Oops!"

            "You know," said Liquidator, "nine out of ten dentists would recommend that one never call me 'Waterhead'!"  Liquidator turned his right fist into a mallet, then whacked Negaduck in the kisser.  In a second, Liquidator's natural good humour returned.  "So, what's everyone's most hated nickname?  Mine's 'Waterhead.' "  Liquidator began to make a list.

            "Mine's 'Melon-head,' " said Bushroot.

            "Mine's 'Chuckles,' " said Quacker Jack.

            Mega Volt's voice reached the room, yelling, "MINE'S 'SPARKIE'!!!"

            As Liquidator finished writing these names down, he asked, "And you, Negaduck?"

            The thrust of Liquidator's punch had propelled Negaduck into the wall.  Negaduck's head emerged, and he said, "I don't know right now.  I'll have to think about it.  Ugh. . ."  He then collapsed.

            "I remember!" said Quacker Jack.  "It's 'Neggie-poo.' "  Liquidator wrote this down.

            "Now that we have the name-business down," said MotherBrain, "my dear son, Ludwig, has a job for you fearsome guys."

            "Plus myself, actually," said Ludwig.  "Thanks for reminding me, my dear MotherBrain."  Ludwig got on the planetwide intercom.  "Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, you'd better beat it up here as quickly as possible, or I'll fry you!"  Within a millisecond, the two idiots were there in the control room.  "I expected you a nanosecond ago."  Ludwig thrust a microphone into Eggplant Wizard's hands.

            "What's this for?" asked Eggplant Wizard as Ludwig turned the output to Mega Volt's room.

            Ludwig said, "I want you to call Mega Volt in any way, shape or form, bird-brain."

            "How?"

            King Hippo suggested, "It's simple, Eggie.  Just say, 'Hi, Sparkie!  This is the Eggplant Wizard.'  Got it?"

            "Yeah, I got it!" said Eggplant Wizard.

            "Go!" said Ludwig when the light indicating that Mega Volt is in his room came on.

            "Hi, Sparkie!" said Eggplant Wizard into the mouthpiece.  "This is the Eggplant Wizard."  Ludwig took the microphone back.

            With a contented smile, Ludwig said, "Thanks, Eggplant Wizard.  You did almost too well."  The door slammed open.  It was Mega Volt, whose body was completely sparking.

            "You melon-head!" said Mega Volt.  "How dare you call me 'Sparkie'!  Prepare to be microwaved!"  Mega Volt tossed all of his electric energy at Eggplant Wizard, whom it fried.  "Next time, idiot, I'll destroy you when you call me by that name!  Got it?"

            "Yes," said Eggplant Wizard feebly.  King Hippo laughed his heart out.

            "Ha, ha!" laughed King Hippo.  "You fell for it!  Ha, ha, ha!"

            "Who fell for what?" asked Mega Volt angrily.

            "King Hippo told him to call you that, Mega Volt," said MotherBrain, herself, her stepson, Liquidator, Bushroot, and Quacker Jack all having very satisfied smiles.

            "Oh, he did, did he?" asked Mega Volt with an intensely angry look at King Hippo and an even more intense spark shining the outline of his body very well.  "Then, maybe the idiot would like to share his pal's suffering!"  Mega Volt tossed his energy at King Hippo, whom it hit and fried.

            "Yow!  Why'd you do that, Mega Volt?" asked King Hippo.

            "Because, idiot," said Mega Volt, "you told that fool eggplant to call me 'Sparkie'!  Don't you know how much that name annoys me!?"

            "Of course I do!" said King Hippo.  "That's why I told him to do it!"

            "Well, dim-wit, you're going to fry if you ever tell anybody to make the mistake of calling me 'Sparkie' again!  Got it?"

            "Yes, Sparkie. . . I mean. . ."

            "DON'T CALL ME 'SPARKIE'!!!" shouted Mega Volt, briefly electrifying King Hippo.  "You aren't worth the energy I'd waste by turning you into a roast, so keep anything resembling the word 'Sparkie' within your big, fat mouth, you idiot boxer, or I shall get Liquidator to help me boil you!  Got it, fatso?"

            "Got it, MV," said King Hippo.  "I don't want you and Waterhead to try to boil me."

            "King Hippo," said Liquidator, "nineteen out of twenty dentists would recommend to you that you NEVER CALL ME 'WATERHEAD' AGAIN!!!  LET'S BOIL HIM, MV!!!"  Liquidator coated King Hippo.  Mega Volt shocked King Hippo and Liquidator.  King Hippo was boiled by the Liquidator's conductivity.  In a few seconds, Mega Volt stopped, Liquidator popped off King Hippo, and King Hippo collapsed.  "See?  Now, here is why a majority of dentists would recommend that you not call me 'Waterhead' again!"  Liquidator formed his left hand into a huge mallet.

            "Uh, oh!" said King Hippo.  Liquidator whacked King Hippo into the wall with his huge hand-mallet.

            "Do you get me, you fool?" asked Liquidator.

            "I get you," said King Hippo.

            Liquidator said, "Bright boy.  Now, get out of the wall, or I'll have Quacker Jack sic his army of vicious snap-teeth on you."  King Hippo was ready in a second.  "Good!  Now, before these two idiots make us destroy them, Ludwig, maybe you should tell us what we're to do."

            "Very well," said Ludwig.  "Quacker Jack, Bushroot, Mega Volt, and Liquidator, you four and I are going to go to Hyrule to confer with Ganon."

            "Whoa!" said Quacker Jack.  "What for?"

            "Well," said Ludwig, putting his arm around Quacker Jack's neck, "I cannot mention it right now, but we'll say that I have it in for someone that is not on our team.  Now, what say we mosey on over to Hyrule and see how he's doing, huh?"

            "Okay," said Quacker Jack.  "Let's. . ."  Suddenly, red-alert sounded.  "What's that?"

            "Oh, no!" said Ludwig.  "Check the cloaking device!"  MotherBrain did so.

            "It's failing," said MotherBrain.

            "Bring it back!" ordered Ludwig.  "We need that cloaking device to stay hidden!"  On the outside, Metroid melted into view.  MotherBrain shook her head.

            "It's no use," said MotherBrain.  "We've lost it.  Its main circuits are completely shot."

            "Damn!" exclaimed Ludwig.  "That stupid cloak always has to fail!  Let's go!"  The five (QJ, MV, LQ, BR, and Ludwig) left through the warp to Hyrule.